Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Hat, Trick

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Um.

Ya’cobui.”

You can’t be here. This area needs to be clear for Mickey’s drums and bullshit.

“Am Mickey.”

What.

“Me Mickey. Am to Mickey.”

Still not getting it.

“Mickey buy.”

Godammit, he bought another dwarf.

“Ya’cobui.”

Is that your name or “please don’t hurt me?” Never mind. It doesn’t matter.

“I am to Mickey now. Mickey play.”

Is he treating you well, at least?

“Food. Bed. Sun. Drum. Mickey play.”

“Mickey dog chase.”

MICKEY! A WORD!

mickey official“Hi, how are you?”

This is the least trustworthy you’ve ever looked.

“That hurts me, man. Why this aggressive stance and posture and emotion and, you know…just the feeling of everything that–

You need to stop petering out.

“Sure. So, what’s up?”

Did you buy a human being?

“Legally, he belongs to the drum. But I bought the drum, yeah.”

Where’d you even find him?

“San Mateo.”

Okay. You have to set him free.

“But I get such a good sound out of him.”

You’re actually playing the little fucker?

“Soft mallets only.”

Okay, listen: something else I need to talk to you about.

“Those sea-lion carcasses that keep showing up in schools?”

What?

“What did you want to talk about?”

Three guesses.

“Greece.”

That was such a bad guess that I won’t count it.

“The primal thaumaturgy that was Drums?”

No.

“Want the number for a good thumb-piano guy?”

Nope.

“I don’t have any extra dead shirts, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

Mickey_SailorNo, I don’t want any Dead shirts.

“Yeah?”

Nothing weird about that pic?

“Hate to keep talking about Dead shirts, but I am not wearing one. That’s pretty weird.”

This is how you want to play this?

“That may be a Photoshop.”

What about this one?

TBZ6FPX“That is a kufi: I converted to Islam during the set break.”

Nuh-uh. That is a sailor’s cap which, it should be noted, you are wearing incorrectly; you have donned it for Bobby’s song Lost Sailor because you do not like that song and felt it necessary to editorialize the fact while you were half-heartedly playing the tune.

“You can’t know that for certain.’

Billy threw you under Furthur.

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“Fuckin’ Billy.”

Benjy, too.

“Fuckin’ Benjy.”

Yeah. I mean, Jesus, Mick: did you bring that hat all the way from California.

“Heh.”

Here’s more evidence of your foul deed. LOOK AT IT:

1aDy3QX“Heh.”

With malice aforethought, Mickey. And, how do you not know how to wear a sailor’s cap?

“I was in the Air Force.”

Right.

31 Comments

    • maggiemay

      I haven’t eaten anything all day and I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to pass out

      ToTD, have you seriously never seen It’s Always Sunny?

      • thoughtsonthedead

        I have seen every episode of that show multiple times.

        • maggiemay

          Okay, that’s what I thought. But I feel like one time you mentioned that you rarely watch it.

          It’s my favorite show.

  1. maggiemay

    Honestly this post needs to be registered in the Library of Congress

    • spencer

      Totd’s keyboard should be proudly displayed between Archie Bunkers chair and kermit the frog in the smithsonian

      • maggiemay

        spencer I LOVE YOU

      • spencer

        I was going to say Estelle Getty’s dido instead of kermit the frog but I remembered children were reading this

        • maggiemay

          Well, now I can’t un-think that, so, fuck you.

          Turn off your auto-correction, Spence! Are you on mobile?

      • spencer

        Dildo Damnit

      • wtfwjd?

        You are too damn funny. And quick.

      • wtfwjd?

        Izzat Paul Williams?

      • spencer

        Paul Williams indeed

      • maggiemay

        Spencer ur my aesthetic

      • spencer

        What does that mean Mags?

      • maggiemay

        Spencer, I don’t exactly know, to be honest. It’s something that tumblr weirdos say these days. It’s saying “That is something I find visually pleasing, and I wish to identify with it.” But when I say it, I’m being ironic and saying that you’re so funny and odd that I appreciate it and think you’re cool like dat like Digable Planets.

  2. wtfwjd?

    Ahhhh, thank you.

    All is again right with the world.

    • maggiemay

      so you’re 47 what’s it like

      • wtfwjd?

        You’re quick o swaggie one.

        Sucks actually. 20- or 30-anything is better.

        But beats the crap out of 15. Hang in there kiddo.

        • maggiemay

          That actually means a lot, thank you. It kind of sucks here, but I can wait.

      • wtfwjd?

        It’ll get so much better. And you are smart. And cool.

        AF.

        • maggiemay

          WOW YOU JUST MADE MY DAY

          I’m looking forward to when it gets better. It’s pretty great now, but I know nothing, and I’m a curious one, so I’d like to know something.

      • cuznt

        not as good as 55, Hitting 50 was moment. Then suddenly life got really fun. Hang in there wtfwjd its gonna get lots better.

        • maggiemay

          I like being 15. I don’t want go get much older. Or at least I’d like it to slow down, just a tad.

  3. Boogaloo

    Bravo. Awesome sauce on a presidential taco.

  4. Althea

    “Ya’cobui”?!? Wrong language! I’m astounded you missed an actual celebrity! That looks like the world’s smallest man, Chandra Bahadur Dangi, from right here in Nepal. He’s got his topi, he’s got his darwa sural, he’s got his Mickey-certified drum, now he just needs Bill Walton’s shoulders. BTW, thanks so much for the shout-out back in April after the quake. I’ve been enjoying your posts here by email. (I had another username but lost the login.) Anyway I hope Tyrion-ji enjoyed the drum circle and got a pic with George RR Martin. Cheers from Kathmandu.

  5. Finster

    if you watch the video of Buffalo ’89 you can see Mickey kind of goofing on Bobby right before Queen Jane like, “this again?”

    In my mind it takes a hell of alot more practice and skill for a someone to sing, play guitar, and be a frontman- all at the same time- than to just sit in the back as a ‘percussionist’, banging away on an exotic assortment of pots, pans, and garbage can lids in a random fashion. I’m actually surprised Mickey never introduced us to the tonal delights of a swine harp.

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