Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Big Week For Sundance

Hey, Amir Bar-Lev, director of the upcoming Dead documentary which will be premiered at Sundance. Whatcha doing?

“Holding a baby.”

Why?

“Punting them is frowned upon.”

Sure. Still nuts, huh?

“Making this documentary about the Dead has changed me.”

How so?

“Last Wednesday, I punched the mailman in the dick, set my bedroom on fire four times, and cut all the legs off my jeans.”

Okay.

“Then I took piano lessons, and then I died.”

That’ll happen. This is exciting, though! Movie’s finally coming out.

“If it’s done, yeah.”

Done? The festival’s a month away. And you’ve had, like, five years.

“You can’t rush perfection.”

Five years is not rushing perfection. That is just precisely the right amount of time to achieve it.

“Some of the CG isn’t right.”

Why is there any CG? This is an archival documentary.

“Yes, but some of that archival footage was wrong. Remember Altamont?”

Yeah.

“The Dead plays their set now.”

Goddammit.

“Andy Serkis plays all the members of the band via motion capture. Except for Mickey.”

Who plays Mickey?

“Mickey. He insisted. I think he’s bored.”

I think you’re right. Don’t change the past, please.

“Very small changes.”

What else?

“Phil shoots first.”

I protest this course of events.

“Just some tweaks! Little tiny things that add up to a better presentation. Remember how the stage looked in the 80’s?”

Terrible.

“Right! So now it looks better.”

Please say you didn’t insert–

“I put the Wall of Sound behind them.”

–the Wall of…dammit, Amir, you can’t do that.

“It’s much more dramatic.”

It’s a lie!

“It’s a movie.”

Well played. Still, though: this is not right.

“Also, I digitally erased all the cigarettes.”

FUCK YOU, BUDDY!

“What?”

How will people recognize Garcia?

“I didn’t think of that.”

No shit.

“Okay. Welp. Sundance 2019, I guess.”

See you soon.

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