Arnold Palmer Half iced tea, half lemonade, all refreshing: infinitely better than either ingredient on its own. Up there with jazz and the national parks as far as American accomplishments go. Rest in thirst-quenchedness, Arnold.

Crystal Gayle TotD’s personal beverage of choice: an Arnold Palmer made with Crystal Light. Tastes delicious until the day you have an actual Arnold Palmer made with real tea and lemons and sugar, and then you realize you’ve been swilling down chemicals all this time.

Shirley Temple Do these still exist? When I was a kid and we went to a fancy restaurant or Disney World, I was permitted to get a Shirley Temple, which–because it was not a Coke–felt very grown-up and debonair. They were made of equal parts grenadine, red, and sweet, plus they came with a swizzle stick like an adult drink (I always used the swizzle stick as a straw).

Shirley Hemphill Same as the Shirley Temple, but for black kids on vacation.

Negroni & Bellini Both of these cocktails were invented by Italians. The Bellini is served with fish, and must be consumed while wearing only a towel.

Brandy Alexander In a nifty example of Ourabouran logic, the Brandy Alexander was named after a stripper and then taken as a name by strippers. Skank is a flat circle.

Rum and Coke After grizzled veteran cop Tommy Rumson and his wild rookie partner Judson Coke saved the governor’s daughter from that drug lord, they asked that, instead of medals, a drink be named after them.

Klaus Kinski Never a broadly popular cocktail, this mix of schnapps and anti-Semitic temper tantrums is still the favorite drink of the good burghers of Mecklenburg-Vorpommern.

Gin Rickey One night in Brooklyn, a guy named Branch Rickey got shitfaced on gin and lime juice and uttered these historic words to his secretary, “Hey, Helen: guess who the fuck I’m about to hire?” A drink was born.

Gin Rickets Like a gin rickey, but more brittle.