Avik, thanks for coming in today.

“I prefer Dr. Roy.”

Of course you do. You’re here to discuss the Trump Administration’s new plan.

“Yes. We’re going to poison the reservoirs.”

Why?

“Debt reduction.”

Roy–

“Dr. Roy.”

–I think this is a terrible idea.

“I’m open to a thoughtful critique besides MILLIONS WILL DIE.”

Millions will die.

“I told you not to say that.”

You said it in caps like an asshole; I said it like a reasonable person.

“I’ll repeat myself, then: I am open to thoughtful critiques besides ‘millions will die.'”

Right. That’s not how arguing works. You don’t get to exclude the other side’s arguments ahead of time. Especially a pertinent one.

“You don’t understand the complexity of the issue, and are just appealing to emotion.”

Dead people aren’t emotions. They’re corpses.

“Let’s talk about how much money we’d save by dumping poison in the reservoirs.”

There’s no amount of money that’s worth more than a reservoir free of poison.

“You still don’t understand: this would create a free market among reservoirs, which would encourage consumers to shop judiciously. The system would police itself.”

Nothing polices itself. The police can’t even police themselves.

“You’re not gonna give me any of that Black Lives Matter shit, are you?”

Wow.

“I want to talk about block grants.”

Of course you do. Because that way we’re not talking about dead people.

“There are studies that say poisoning the reservoirs provides the same quality drinking water as not poisoning them.”

Where are the studies from?

“American Poison Institute.”

Sure. Please don’t poison the reservoirs.

“This idea that the Trump Administration wants to poison the so-called reservoirs is absurd. All we want to do is lower the amount of non-poison. Totally different thing.”

It’s not.

“Let’s discuss Personal Water Accounts.”

You’re going to kill millions of people with this evil plan.

“See! You can’t provide a thoughtful critique. I win.”

We all win, Avik.

“Dr. Roy.”

Suck my ass.