billy jm striped onstage




“Billy, come on.”

“You in, kid? You gonna come sail the seven seas of skank with Captain Billy?”


“I never joke about skank.”

“I don’t even understand what the offer is.”

“You be the Bobby now. Bobby can’t be the Bobby any more. Hey, y’know what? Bobby’s a Billy now, just like me! Ha! Time turns us all to Billys! HAAAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHA!”

“You high or insane?”


“How would I be the Bobby?”

“We leave you out. Like bait. The skank gets a whiff of ya, and comes running. You take the best skank and the rest of us pick off the stragglers.”

“Oh, God, that’s really what happened.”

“For years. And we were happy. Think of all the bands that didn’t have a Bobby. The Airplane didn’t have a Bobby, and their skank was sub-prime. Yeah, it’s settled: you’re the Bobby now. How much time do you spend on your hair?”

“A lot.”

“Wonderful. You’ll learn the ropes quick.”

“One condition.”

“I’m not paying you.”

“Something else.”


“I want you punch Orlando Bloom in the dick.”

“Done. One question.”

“Is it ‘Who is Orlando Bloom?'”


“I’ll show you.”


“Great. Billy?”


“What’s my name?”

“No clue.”