Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A First Look At Man Of Steel 2

DC (Dismal Cinema) has decided to make a sequel to the reboot of the re-imagining of the remake of Superman, called Man of Steel 2. TotD has obtained an EXCLUSIVE first look at the script, written by a white guy with stubble and to be directed by a different white guy with stubble, or maybe the same white guy. Please credit me when making this go viral. (And remember: nothing says “virus” like DC movies.)

Here we go:

GRAVEYARD – NOON, BUT SOMEHOW REALLY DARK

BATMAN stands over CLARK KENT’S GRAVE

BATMAN
Not like MAAAAAAARTHA! And Kevin COSSSSSSTNER!

SUPERMAN appears behind him.

SUPERMAN
I’m not dead.

It begins to RAIN symbolically.

BATMAN
I thought you were. Dead, I mean.

SUPERMAN
No.

BATMAN
Well, that’s great.

MUSIC CUE: SPIRIT IN THE SKY

BATMAN and SUPERMAN stand there IN SLOW MOTION.

BATMAN
Is your mom still named–

SUPERMAN
Yup. Still Martha, Bruce.

BATMAN
–Martha? Okay, just checking.

SUPERMAN
We’re cool?

BATMAN
Yeah, sure.

BATMAN and SUPERMAN stand there in EVEN SLOWER MOTION.

BATMAN
Now…how are you alive again?

SUPERMAN
I just am.

BATMAN and SUPERMAN stand there in SLOWEST MOTION.

BATMAN
I am in this movie, or am I doing another cameo?

SUPERMAN
Cameo.

In the distance, A GIANT BEAM OF COMPUTER GRAPHICS SHOOTS INTO THE SKY.

SUPERMAN
Oh, there’s the plot. Gotta run.

BATMAN
Fly, actually.

SUPERMAN
Oh, Batman. We’re such great friends.

BATMAN
Did we ever see that friendship build?

SUPERMAN
No, it was just assumed. By the way, it was sweet of
you to come visit my grave.

BATMAN
Your grave? Oh. Right. Sure. Your grave.

BATMAN and SUPERMAN stand there in a still photo.

SUPERMAN
Jesus, you killed another Robin, didn’t you?

BATMAN
Joker killed her!

SUPERMAN
Her!?

BATMAN
It’s 2016. Robins can be girls.

SUPERMAN
Girl corpses. What was her name?

BATMAN
Martha.

SUPERMAN
I gotta go.

SUPERMAN flies off into the WILD BLUE YONDER that is actually pitch-black.

EXT – MAJOR AMERICAN CITY

Superman DESTROYS THE CITY for some reason.

MUSIC CUE: I FEEL GOOD by JAMES BROWN

2 Comments

  1. SmokingLeather

    August 8, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    Are you being sarcastic or just writing the best damn DC movie “evar”

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