Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Fourth Look At Man Of Steel 2

INT – JUSTICE LEAGUE  MOON BASE: THE WATCHTOWER

The ENTIRE JUSTICE LEAGUE is present.

SUPERMAN
I thought this was my movie.

BATMAN is on monitor duty. He is SITTING on a CHAIR MADE OUT OF DEAD ROBINS.

BATMAN
You’re dull, Clark.

SUPERMAN
I don’t have to be!

BATMAN
Buddy: your charisma died when
Christopher Reeve got on that horse.

SUPERMAN
Jesus, man. That’s dark.

BATMAN
Well…yeah. I’m Batman?

SUPERMAN
Sure. But, you know: still, man.

BATMAN
You need a safe space? Triggered?

SUPERMAN
Martha.

BATMAN
NOOOOOOO! MAAAAARTHA!

SUPERMAN
Dick.

IN THE CORNER

Lying on the ground, DRIED OUT AND DYING, is AQUAMAN

AQUAMAN
Why…did…you bring me to the moon?

SUPERMAN
You’re on the team.

AQUAMAN
Water. Please. Water.

SUPERMAN
Flash just made coffee. Would you like coffee?

AQUAMAN
You murdered me, too.

AQUAMAN DIES.

It BEGINS TO RAIN, even though we are INSIDE A MOON BASE.

EXT. WATCHTOWER

AQUAMAN’s body SHLOMPS out of the AIR LOCK, coming to rest in a COMEDIC POSITION.

INT. WATCHTOWER

SUPERMAN
Dude.

BATMAN
He was already starting to stink.

SUPERMAN
He was our friend!

BATMAN
We met him two scenes ago, Clark.

ON THE MONITOR

An ENORMOUS SHIP shaped like A BRAIN rises over the MOON’S HORIZON

MUSIC CUE: BAD MOON RISING by CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL

BATMAN
Is that a scrotum?

SUPERMAN
It’s a brain. Brainiac. You saw a scrotum, huh?

BATMAN
I have villains that would totally show up
in a flying scrotum.

SUPERMAN
Who?

BATMAN
The Ballsacker.

SUPERMAN.
Nope.

BATMAN
Very dangerous criminal.

SUPERMAN
Not a real person.

AUDIO F/X: THE SOUND OF AN ATLANTEAN KING POUNDING HIS HAND AGAINST A WINDOW

AQUAMAN
I’m not de–

EXT. WATCHTOWER

AUTOMATED MINI-GUNS rise from the ground around AQUAMAN and SHOOT HIM MANY TIMES.

INT. WATCHTOWER

SUPERMAN
You have to be shitting me.

BATMAN
Oh, fuck him. King of my seven dicks.

SUPERMAN
You’ve changed, Bruce.

BATMAN
How would you know? We just met.

SUPERMAN
Right.

2 Comments

  1. “The BallSacker” if I turn evil when I get my super powers THIS shall be my name.

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