Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Frame-By-Frame Breakdown Of The New Star Wars Trailer

At 0:04, we can see a hand that is later revealed to be Rey’s. But she’s making some sort of gesture with her hand. Is it a Jedi gesture? Is it part of her training? The screen then cuts to black. Is this symbolic of Rey’s death? How does Boba Fett fit into this?

At 0:10, we see a rock. Is it a space rock? Does it contain magic? Could it possibly be a Khyber crystal used in the construction of lightsabers? Or is it just a rock?

At 0:15 OMIGOD IT’S LUKE! LUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!

Okay, that’s enough.

Everyone else on the innertubes got to do one.

All the more reason for you not to.

That’s not how you win the content game.

Let’s not play the content game. It’s a lovely poster.

What do you think the red symbolizes?

Stop that.

Okay. May I point out that Chewbacca wasn’t in the trailer?

Please.

They fucked Chewie again. He doesn’t get a medal in Star Wars, he doesn’t get a coat in Empire, he doesn’t get a hug from Leia in Force Awakens, and now he doesn’t get to be in the trailer. All the humans are in the trailer. Cute little droid is in the trailer. Racist bullshit.

Well said, I think.

I would also now like to issue a harangue to Star Wars.

Yeah, whatever.

Dear Star Wars,

  1. Remember how you made the last one all gritty and miserable and sweaty and rainy? Don’t do that. Also, please do not kill every character at the end. Especially Chewie.
  2. More nudity.
  3. Just don’t make it anything like Rogue One is all I’m saying.

Sincerely,
TotD

That was helpful.

Thank you. And now Thoughts on the Dead presents Ways Star Wars Is Going To Explain Carrie Fisher’s Death:

  • A random Resistance officer will run in the room and yell, “General Organa fell down the stairs!”

Stop this.

  • Don’t interrupt me when I’m in the bullet point format, please.

This is disrespectful.

  • Either shut up, or get in here with me.

No, I’m staying out here. More room.

Now I’m here, too. Whaddya got to say about that, tough guy?

Hello.

It is more spacious out here.

Yeah. You got anything else or you just petering out?

The second thing.

Sure, champ.

5 Comments

  1. Rogue One was the best since Jedi, the fact that you dont dont agree is like you are a Trump supporter. Rewatch and come back once you can adequately support it.

  2. Seriously, you being so relentlessly, deeply wrong about Rogue One is downright disheartening. It calls many things into question, though not your status vis-a-vis being my guy

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      April 15, 2017 at 12:16 am

      Vultures, all of you.

      I will rewatch the film tomorrow with an open mind and a doobie, then report back.

      • just remember that no Star Wars film makes any sense plot-wise and grade it on the same curve as the rest in that regard

  3. #tobaccolivesmatter

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