I’m stunned.


Precari…oh, there you are. I assume you’re responsible for this.

“I was part of a team.”

Great. I have many questions.


Gonna start generally, and then move clockwise starting at the dude in the MAGA hat.


Why are the musicians in this arrangement?

“Intra-band politics and intra-crew apathy.”

Why is there a dude in a MAGA hat?

“Some of your time bullshit? I dunno. Fuck him.”

Is Li’l Orphan Annie okay?

“In the middle?”


“Seems fine.”

Okay, how about the teetering tower of heavy bullshit on the right?

“Started stacking shit and just kinda got into it.”

Is it gonna fall?


Is the balancing act in the middle gonna fall?

“Nah. Wait. Maybe.”

Is any cable taped down?


Is every fusebox open?


Did you forget Phil at the hotel?

“Nah. There he is.”

Oh, okay.

“Funny story, though: we forgot Phil at the hotel.”


“Uh-huh. This is Giants Stadium in ’78, right?”


“Yeah, we forgot Phil at the hotel. There’s a Sheraton or whatever right near the stadium, just across the parking lot. So, we all take the van over at two o’clock or whatever, but Phil was in the pool and got left behind.”

The pool?

“Phil liked drinking in swimming pools.”

That’s a terrible idea.

“Just beers.”


“Anyway, he gets out and dries off. We’re all gone. He’s running through the lobby naked screaming about betrayal.”


“Phil skinny-dipped.”

Of course he did.

“Security tackles him a little, but he’s all juiced up and using Nude Fu.”

Nude Fu?

“No guy wants to fight a naked guy, right?”


“So, if you’re in a situation where you’re the naked guy: use that to your advantage. Lead with your cock. Employ your buttcheeks. Turn the negative into a positive.”

Nude Fu.

“Anyway, they calmed him down and got him in some clothes. But now it’s like 3 or 3:30 and the lot’s getting pretty full of kids. Took him two hours to walk half-a-mile. Guy was getting assaulted with blowjobs.”

Why didn’t you just send the van back for him?

“Not as funny.”

Sure. Precarious?


Why does Keith’s piano have a heat shield?

“To survive reentry.”

I love our talks.