Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Guide To Hunkering

Milk And Bread I don’t care if you’re lactose intolerant and on the Atkins diet: you get some milk and bread, mister. Can’t hunker without milk and bread. You could shelter in place, but people who shelter in place are worse than smelly animals. Be a hunkerer.

Semantic Satiation Semantic satiation is what happens when you repeat a word over and over until it loses meaning and just sounds like a silly noise, and it can help us in our hunkering. It is time to hunker only when you have heard newscasters say the word so many times that you lose it and start giggling even though there are alligators hitting the front door at 90 mph.

Inside or Outside? What? That’s the stupidest fucking question/topic header I’ve ever seen. Inside. You literally cannot hunker outside. Hunkering requires a structure, and for you to be within it. Don’t be a dumb-dumb.

Flying Witches That’s a tornado, schmuck.

What About Tornadoes? No idea. Go to the root cellar? Round up the herd? Tornadoes are a middle-of-the-country problem, and I have only dealt with sides-of-the-country problems. Hurricane, nor’easter, earthquake, snowpocalypse: these events I am prepared for. Tornadoes are not a Jewish weather.

Ultra-Light Aircraft Possibly the worst place to hunker down. It would be better to just stand out in a field, honestly, because the wind is going to pick the ultra-light up and slam you into a house six blocks away.

Las Vegas Opposite of Ultra-light aircraft: best location for hunkering. First off: it’s in the middle of the desert, so there’s not a hurricane; your hunker would be completely voluntary. Second: choice of activity during your hunker. A good hunk of hunkering is staving off the boredom that inevitably leads to cannibalism, but it is tough to be bored in Vegas. Appalled, disgusted, intoxicated: easy. If you’re bored in Vegas, then it’s your fault.

Supplies Milk and bread. We went over this.

Supplies Beyond Milk And Bread Batteries in every size, including the one for Uncle Stu’s hearing aid. If you’re hunkering against a hurricane, then that means you’re probably in Florida, so you’ll want weapons. Generator and gasoline (this will facilitate your post-hunker rise as a warlord). Phillips-head screwdriver.

Funniest Word That Rhymes With Hunker Spelunker.

7 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    October 6, 2016 at 8:10 pm

    HD, man

  2. Songs for Thoughts on the Dead while Cat4 hunkering down:

    Weather Report Suite
    Help on the Way
    Not Fade Away
    Aint it Crazy
    Alligator (flying or otherwise)
    Black Throated Wind
    Box of Rain (I know)
    Hard to Handle
    Blow Away (I know again)
    High Time
    Brokedown Palace
    Can’t Come Down
    Built to Last
    Caution
    Early Morning Rain
    Easy Wind
    It’s All Over Now
    It Hurts Me Too
    Lazy Lightning>Lost Sailor (not a thing you say?)
    Tomorrow Never Knows
    We Bid you Goodnight

  3. Semantic satiation! So glad to learn this has a name.

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