Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A More Congenial Meeting Between The Church And The Natives Than Previously

Hey, Pope Francis. Whatcha doing?

“I’m-a wearin’ da hat.”

That’s a heck of a hat, Your Holiness.

“It’s-a gotta my name on it!”

I see that. Why is it S.S. Francis?

“They think I’m-a da boat.”


“You see-a dis lady’s hands?”


“She gotta those hands from-a da work. Your hands look-a like dat?”

Not at all.

“No, no. You got-a da soft hands. Should put-a dem together and-a pray more. Give-a da thanks instead of pulling on-a your pud.”

I already got this lecture from God, Your Holiness.

“Si, si. Pigpen probably gonna come and-a yell at you soon, too.”

Most likely. Are these folks even Christians?

“Pssh, what-a do I care? I’m about-a da love. I love-a dem, I love-a you. You don’t-a make it easy, though.”

I’ve been told.

“You know what-a da difference is between-a da saint and-a da sinner?”


“Effort. Do-a some work, kid.”

Yes, sir. Are those acorns?

“Si, si. Smells-a like a rich lady’s bathroom. Is-a nice.”

Good to hear. I like that guy’s makeup.

“I think he’s-a da Juggalo.”

I don’t know about that, Your Holiness.

“He no-a knows how-a da magnets work.”


“Rich people always-a messing with-a him.”

God point.

“He’s got-a da hatchet.”

Okay, maybe he’s a Juggalo.

“Si, si. Whoop, whoop.”

Amen, Your Holiness.


  1. I really want Francis to host the Oscars next year. He is the Bob Hope of Popes.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      September 17, 2017 at 9:54 pm

      “Hey, it’s old Pope ‘Where’s my Oscar?’ Francis coming to you live from Saigon. Sister Consuela, come on out and show these boys what they’re fighting for!”

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