Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A New Record

bobb blue mountain cover

Your hair looks great.

“Big-Dicked Sheila is  miracle worker.”

You got a little bit of a thousand-yard stare, though.

“Y’know, in most of the world, it’s a 914-meter stare.”

Sure. So tell me about the album.

You mean Blue Mountain, the long-awaited collection of cowboy tunes out on September 30 and available for pre-order at Amazon?

I didn’t say “plug the album,” I said to tell me about it.

“Sure, yeah. It’s 12 songs. Baker’s dozen.”

Baker’s dozen is 13, Bob.

“Ginger Baker’s dozen.”


“And, you know: lots of roping and riding. Song called Ki-Yi Bossie.”

That is a very good title for a cowboy song.

“It’s the cowboyest thing we could think of.”


“Me, Barlow, the guys from The National, the fellow who played the Ferengi on Deep Space Nine.”

The usual suspects.

“Uh-huh. Great bunch of guys. And, you know: Barlow’s a little shaky, so I fired off a pistol or two indoors to make him feel at home.”

Don’t get him started on politics.

“Why do you think I was firing the pistol?”

Good call. And there’s gonna be a short tour, too. Playing some real swanky joints.

“Ryman. Grand Ol’ Opry. Which is an impressive place. Three words in the name, and two are misspelled. That might be a record.”

Could be.



“Huh. Hold on, would ya? Gotta take this.”

Okee dokee.

“Weir here.”


“New phone. Who dis?”

“It’s John, Bob.”

“I don’t know any–”

“Josh Meyers.”

“–John.. Oh, hey, Josh. Great tour. Big-Dicked Sheila says hi.”

“That’s what I’m calling about, Bobby! Dicks! One specific one!”



“It’s big.”


“Not an ironic nickname.”


“Like a huge dude named ‘Tiny.’ Not like that at all.”

“I did a line off it once, but it wasn’t gay because it was a lady’s dick.”

“No, Bob. Orlando Bloom.”

“The cherry blossoms?”

“Not ‘bloom’ as in ‘flower.’ And not ‘Orlando’ as in…the movie star.”

“He’s got a penis?”

“He does.”

“Good for him.”

“Even if you understand what I’m talking about, you’re going to pretend not to, right?”

“Little trick I picked up having daughters.”

“I’ll call Irving Azoff.

“Tell him Big-Dicked Sheila says ‘hi.'”


    • Oh yes, good call! Dennis, of course, is less bemused by the Cosmic Joke, having had neither the time nor the inclination for protracted introspection.

      Pacific Ocean Blue is a pretty fine, if unheralded, record.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.