Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Note About Conspiracy Theories

dead fbi file

By definition, a conspiracy involves more than one person; otherwise, you’re just some crazy dude fucking around. Conspiracies require meetings and codewords.

Which means they can’t exist, at least not among humans. Stupidity has an exponential relationship with personnel: the more people involved, the dumber the collective gets. One man wrote Ulysses. A few hundred made Transformers. Fill a football stadium? That football stadium will chant “DE-FENSE” at the defensive unit, as if the players did not understand their jobs.

Take chemtrails. You’ve heard of chemtrails: when the weather is dry and cold, the wet and hot exhaust from the jet engines produces visible water vapor; if there is no wind, the skinny streak of cloud will hang there for a while. Same principle as seeing your breath on a cold day.

Or is it? COULD IT BE that there are futuristic nozzles secreted within the jet wings? IS IT POSSIBLE that a cabal of bankers, aliens, and Jews have a mind control spray? MIGHT IT VERY WELL BE that those contrails are actually CHEMtrails?

“Chem” is for chemicals, man. Scary shit. Shake up, weeple.

(Any attempt to bring up the fact that, you know, H20 is also a chemical will be met with hostility.)

What the chemtrail dipshits–along with all other conspiracists–can never explain is how this all stays a secret. A lot of this plan is based on the discretion of airport workers, and–while I mean them no disrespect–there’s a new one rifling through someone else’s luggage every week on the news. They know there’s cameras down there. These are not the people to enlist into your secret conspiracy.

Ain’t no lizard people. Illuminati was a joke no one got. Leave poor John the Baptist’s head out of it.

We did this to ourselves.

ALSO: You can look over the rest of the file, unless you don’t want to go to the FBI’s page.

Also ALSO: The sentence “It would appear that this is a rock group of some sort.” 


  1. “It would appear that this is a rock group of some sort.”

    New subhead for the blog?

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