Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Partial Transcript Of Sally Yates’ Senate Testimony, 5/8/17

“…and just once again for the record, Ms. Yates: what did you say, and to whom did you say it?”

“I informed the White House Counsel, Don McGahn, that General Flynn was possibly compromised by the Russians, and should not be employed by the president.”

“Thank you, Ms. Yates. I yield the floor to my distinguished colleague from across the aisle, Jefferson Davis Elephant.”

“Well, I say, well, I do indeed thank the gentleman from Massachusetts, an’ I wish all good things for all of his relations and compatriots. Miz Yates?”

“Good morning, Senator.”

“An’ a good mornin’ to you, little lady. I do have some questions I would appreciate if you’d answer for me, best that you could, okay?”

“I intend to, sir.”

“Oh, that’s jus’ wonderful. Let’s talk about Hillary Clinton.”

“Oh, good.”

“Now, I say, now we have reports that Miz Rodham-Clinton was printin’ out top-secret documents in a Kinko’s and givin’ ’em to her assistant, who has a downright peculiar name.”

“I have no knowledge of any of this, Senator.”

“Miz Yates, when informed Mr. McGahn about these here insinuations, what was the language you used?”

“Direct. Clear. I stated in no uncertain terms that General Flynn had been compromised.”

“Ah, well now, there’s your problem. Some people acquire information much better through the use of metaphor and analogy. Did you make any effort to ascertain Mr. McGahn’s learning style?”

“I did not.”

“Well, there you go. This ain’t lookin’ good for you, Miz. Yates. Hope you like prison.”

“This is not a trial, Senator.”

“Then why is there a gavel involved, ma’am? Checkmate.”

“I have no response to that.”

“Now I would like to discuss your egregious, malfeasant, abrogatory handling of Allfather Trump’s immigration order.”

“Allfather?”

“President. I said president.”

“You didn’t.”

“Fake news.”

“Wow, we almost got through this without that phrase poking its dick in.”

“The president issued a lawful order banning incoming migration from certain territories. You, ma’am, decided that you were more powerful than the President o’ the United States and refused to defend it. How dare you?”

“The order was not lawful, Senator. It had both statutory and constitutional problems, so defending it would have meant breaking my oath to uphold the Constitution.”

“And what are you basing your little opinion on?”

“The text of the order, and the administration’s statements regarding the order.”

“So, you’re just speculating?”

“No, sir. The order was a ban against Muslims. The administration called it, numerous times, a Muslim ban. That’s illegal.”

“What is illegal is not doing what the president says!.”

“No.”

“I’m pretty sure it is.”

“Nah.”

“It’s one o’ the Amendments.”

“It’s not.”

“Ma’am, we’re talking about Barack Obama here.”

“Are we?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. What about him?”

“All this hooey and bullpucky ’bout President Trump an’ the Russians. Russia this, Russia that. Well, well, well: how is it that Barack Hussein Obama met with Vladimir Putin six times–six times!–while he was president and nobody said boo?”

“Because that’s literally the president’s job?”

“You askin’ me or tellin’ me?”

“I don’t even know any more.”

“Why is Hillary Clinton not in jail?”

“I’m not in charge of–”

“Time’s up, you didn’t answer my last question, I win.”

“What just happened here?”

“Justice, ma’am.”

1 Comment

  1. Excellent summation. You really captured Ted Cruz’s logic perfectly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*