“Angela will have the meatloaf.”
“Nein, Herr Fuhr–uhm, Mister President. I do not vant zee meatloaf.”
“Listen, Angela, if you were at all hot, I would tell you to get a salad. But you’re a mess, so what harm’s the meatloaf gonna do? You’ll love it, I brought it from home, the most beautiful meatloaf you’ve ever seen. If Hillary was here, you wouldn’t get meatloaf.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Did I hear you say something about John Podesta?’
“Nein.”
ILL-FITTING SUIT PATTING NOISE
“Dammit, where’s my twitter? Did Jared take my twitter? Angela, do you have a twitter?”
“Vas ist ein twitter?”
“A twitter. It’s a rectangle that you hate into.”
“Nein.”
…
“Bored. Bored. No one’s paying attention to me.
TINKTINKTINK
“Everyone pay attention to me. I didn’t learn any of your names, so let’s go around the table and introduce ourselves. I’ll start because I’m the president. Hello, I’m the president. Hillary’s not, and I am. Obama said many, many terrible things about all of you. Personal things, disgusting things. He said all the women were bleeding out of their whatevers, and the men were all losers. Especially you, President Putin. The most terrible things.”
“Da.”
“Maybe you should do something about that. Take care of the problem.”
“Jesus, Donald, nyet out loud.”
“Okay, great, great, you look very handsome and strong. Okay, let’s start with the intros. You, mouse face.”
“Are you speaking to me, Mr. President?”
“Who else has a face like a mouse? No one. President Putin doesn’t, he’s got a face like a lion.”
“Da, lion.”
“C’mon, c’mon. Who are you?”
“Um, Theresa May. Prime Minister of the UK.”
“Prime Minister? I’m President. Do I outrank you?”
“That’s not how it works.”
“Details, shmetails. Okay, next: you look familiar.”
“Enrique Nieto. We’ve met on several occasion.”
“No, I think you’re the head valet at Mar-A-Lago.”
“You think this because you are un racisto.”
“I don’t speak valet. Next: black guy.”
“I am not black. I am African. My name is Jacob Zuma.”
“What’s happening in the inner-cities is terrible. Listen, Zoomy, get up so my beautiful daughter Ivanka can sit down, okay?”
“I most certainly will not get–”
JUDO KICK
“Thank you, President Putin.”
“Da.”
“Very strong.”
“Is time for meatloaf.”
“Did you order meatloaf?”
“Nyet. I vill eat yours.”
“Wonderful, wonderful.”
that above & this, laughing so hard just barked up masticated BLT on my con-puter…….like a mother robin feeding the chicks