INT – TRUNK
The trunk OPENS to reveal a MASCULINE WHITE MOVIE STAR WITH AN EXTENSIVE BUT UNDERVALUED RESUME and SAMUEL L. JACKSON. They are ELABORATELY FACIAL HAIRED.
The men ARGUE and WAVE THEIR GUNS AROUND.
EXT – SOMEWHERE THAT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL ON A 70MM CAMERA.
There is a LONG SHOT of an UGLY CHARACTER ACTOR.
INT – THE SAME ROOM FOR THE NEXT 30 MINUTES
Sitting on the couch is a PETITE BLONDE WITH MOUSEY FEATURES. She is BAREFOOT.
The MASCULINE WHITE MOVIE STAR and SAMUEL L. JACKSON enter. They ARGUE and WAVE THEIR GUNS AROUND.
INT/EXT – MUSCLE CAR FROM THE 70’S EVEN THOUGH THE FILM’S SET IN THE CIVIL WAR
Everyone WAVES THEIR GUNS AROUND and FEET. Hanging on to the hood is ZOE BELL, who is much more charismatic and interesting than the female lead yet still consigned to cameos. MICHAEL MADSEN delivers a monologue DIRECTLY TO CAMERA.
INT – TRUNK
All the characters get back in the trunk from the first scene and SHOOT EACH OTHER TO DEATH.
INT – QUENTIN TARANTINO’S OFFICE
QUENTIN TARANTINO breaks into the credits halfway through to deliver a monologue DIRECTLY TO CAMERA.
Shit, listen, I’m sorry, I gotta break into the credits here. I
just watched this and I can’t fucking believe it, but nobody
said nigger. I don’t know what happened. I just whiffed. It’s not
a QT film without nigger. Nigger’s the salt. My script is the meat, but
you gotta spice it up with nigger. I can’t make a non-nigger movie!
I’m Quentin fucking Tarantino! I’m known for my niggers! I gotta
reshoot! I gotta do an extended nigger cut!
END CREDITS – A WEINSTEIN COMPANY FILM