Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Quick One While We’re Away

[PDF] Katy Perry and John Mayer“Katy-doodle–”

“Don’t call me that.”

“–we only done got 48 hours for this safari interlude before I gotta get back to soloing. We all gonna get to Colorado and smoke doobies that are so high-class that they step out of the shower to take a dump.”

“Why are you talking like that?”

“When I see these savannahs–”

“Nope.”

“–fecund with life and stuff to look and shoot at, well: my trigger-boner gets itchy.”

“We’re not shooting anything. What are you talking about? ‘Trigger-boner’ is not a thing.”

“GONNA BRING DADDY A TROPHY!”

“Are you really my on-again/off-again celebrity boyfriend John Mayer, or is this more of the Grateful Dead’s bullshit that, as the highest-earning female performer in America last year, I neither deserve nor tolerate?”

“I may have had a sim-suit made up that mimicked Young John Mayer’s physique and features, yes.”

“And you really are?”

“Roy Head. Yes, that–

“SECURITY!”

“–Roy Head…yeah, that’s an understandable call.”

THERE IS A STRUGGLE.

“Wait. Where’s John?”

 

CUT TO: FRONT STREET, INTERIOR

YOU ARE PRETTY, BUT BOBBY WAS MUCH PRETTIER.

“How do you even see me? You don’t have eyes.”

HOW DO YOU MAKE SOUND WITHOUT A CENTER CLUSTER?

“Fine. Can you at least untie me.”

HOW? I HAVE NO HANDS.

“I see what you’re doing.”

YOU ARE BODY-SHAMING AND IT IS NOT RIGHT.

“You don’t have a body! You’re a semi-fictional PA system!”

ENJOY BEING TIED UP, JOHN MAYER.

10 Comments

  1. ROY!!!!! I Love You Roy! Is she looking directly at the person taking that pic without turning her head at all?

  2. Boy, there’s a lot to unpack here. Worlds colliding. Just need a kung fu move somewhere in there and you have a solid summary of the last 3 weeks or so.

    That said, I do hope we hear more from Little Aleppo soon (shouldn’t some of those Syrian refugees be moving there?)

  3. Well he could afford a Leica ($6380 – $16,380) but he’s slinging a Fuji X100 ($1200)

    His personal shopper is in a lot of trouble if he finds out.

  4. Note to anyone who for whatever reason just got here today…

    You need to do some reading to figure this out,
    Roy Head.. go back a few weeks and scan forward.

    The ALL CAPS,, that is Wally.

    Go back about 8 months and you should get enough on him to at least follow along.

    For the rest of us who are on board and obsessive about our reading and therefore caught up.. Woo Hoo this is good.

    Note to anyone writing the spark notes to ToTD…
    It would seem that Roy will need to go in the major character section.

    • I’m not sold on Roy’s entrance into the pantheon, though I do appreciate Wally’s larger role.

      Thanks for helping me appreciate how weird this must be without context.

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