Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Real Time Reaction To The New Star Wars Trailer

  • This shit again?
  • This Star Wars bullshit is like herpes; flares up once a year or so.
  • Is Woody Harrelson in this?
  • Hey, look: it’s her.
  • The one who’s not Keira Knightley.
  • Keira Might-Be.
  • Keira Mostley.
  • Near-a Knightley.
  • Where does the food come from on this magical island where Luke’s been living?
  • I didn’t see any agricultural concerns during the flyover.
  • And now she’s playing with the magic sword and there’s robot hands.
  • Luke is coaching her up.
  • And then he sends her into a spooky cave.
  • I guess we’ve tossed out the “Jedi Academy” bullshit from the prequels and have gone back to the “calisthenics and spooky cave” method of pedagogy.
  • Someone in a robe yells some semi-Buddhist bullshit at you while you exercise, spooky cave: boom, you’re a Jedi.
  • Getting your Jedi certificate is easier than getting your weed card, apparently.
  • Spaceships!
  • Darth Whiner!
  • Aw.
  • Now I’m sad.
  • I was against the horridly cheap-looking CG in Rogue One that brought young Carrie Fisher back to life, but I would be in favor of bringing old Carrie Fisher back to life for a spectacular death scene.
  • Like, the bad guys shoot her right in the face with the Death Star.
  • And when the smoke clears, there she is.
  • Still alive.
  • All burned and shit, with just one white eye peering out from her blackened face, and she yells “FULLY OPERATIONAL, MY ROYAL DICK!” and they have to shoot her two or three times more before she dies.
  • I’d be okay with that.
  • Hey, it’s Tobacco the Space Monkey!
  • Black guy fights shiny lady.
  • Uh-oh!
  • What’s this?
  • Someone has a destiny?
  • I wonder what they’ll be told to do with it?
  • Fulfill it?
  • In a Star Wars movie?
  • Wow, that’s a brave choice.

1 Comment

  1. So, I am, once again, a dork for being excited about the new Star Wars movie? It’s the middle one so it will have a down ending but still…

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