Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Spoiler For All Occasions

  • Everything is not what it seems to be.
  • Someone has a secret.
  • She wasn’t really dead.
  • He was dead the whole time.
  • Neither of them actually existed.
  • The secret was concealed within the painting/sculpture/pet collar all along.
  • The whole film takes place in one person’s mind.
  • Or in a dream.
  • Or a snowglobe.
  • Bulletproof vest.
  • Good guy actually a cloned Nazi.
  • Smokey is the Bandit.
  • It’s a sled, but actually his wife’s vagina.
  • The dongs are coming from inside the house. (That is actually a specific spoiler, from a pornographic horror film called When A Stranger Cums Calling.)
  • The characters are in Hell.
  • The characters are in an experiment.
  • The characters are playing characters with roles in Pirandello’s Six Characters in Search of an Author and the whole thing disappears up its own ass halfway through the second act.
  • The guy in the mask turns out to be someone the hero knows.
  • Or is related to.
  • Someone else is pulling the strings.
  • Kevin Spacey did it.

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