Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Third Look At Man Of Steel 2

EXT.  SMALLVILLE – DAY

EVERYTHING is ON FIRE. The BODIES OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN litter the street.

A DRIVERLESS GOOD HUMOR TRUCK careens down the STREET and RUNS OVER an ORPHAN.

SUPERMAN has also SALTED THE EARTH so nothing will ever GROW again.

A COMPUTER-GENERATED MONSTER lies dead at SUPERMAN’S FEET.

SUPERMAN
I won!

MUSIC CUE: SPIRIT IN THE SKY BY NORMAN GREENBAUM, AGAIN

LOIS LANE crawls out from under a PILE OF CHARRED CORPSES. She is COMPLETELY UNHARMED.

LOIS LANE
You killed a lot of people, Clark.

SUPERMAN
I killed the monster, Lois. Thanks for hitting it with
that baseball bat. Really contributed.

LOIS LANE
The thing kept trying to leave the town. And you
stopped him, repeatedly.

SUPERMAN
And now I’m super thirsty. I could go for
an Amstel Light.

LOIS LANE
Why didn’t you throw it into orbit?

SUPERMAN
Refreshing.

LOIS LANE
Or freeze it with your cold-breath, or disintegrate him
with your laser eyes? Or, like, a million other things
other than fighting in the population center?

SUPERMAN
And surprisingly low in calories.

WONDER WOMAN walks into frame. She is HOLDING an AMSTEL LIGHT.

MUSIC CUE: SHE’S A LADY by TOM JONES

WONDER WOMAN
Hi, there. I’m here now.

SUPERMAN
Awesome. But I already fought the monster.

WONDER WOMAN
Yeah?

SUPERMAN
I didn’t know you were coming. You should have called.

WONDER WOMAN
Well, I guess we could fight each other for no good reason.

SUPERMAN
Huh. Um, yeah. Okay. Sure.

MUSIC CUE: SATURDAY NIGHT’S ALL RIGHT FOR FIGHTING by ELTON JOHN

They ASSUME FIGHTING POSES in the SLOWEST-MO ALLOWED BY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.

SUPERMAN
Wait!

WONDER WOMAN
What?

SUPERMAN
What’s your mother’s name?

WONDER WOMAN
I don’t technically have a mother. I was
made from clay and magic, and raised on
a lady-island.

SUPERMAN
Well, how about that.

1 Comment

  1. On fire my friend.

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