Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

About

My thesis is that the Grateful Dead were the Silliest Band in the World. I will attempt to prove this through misquotes, malicious lies, and just plumb crazy talk; everything in these pages is, of course, satire. Except for the stuff about Bobby: Bobby actually thought he was a fucking cowboy. He was also a terrorist, but we’ll get to that.

This is my first time making blog. If you enjoy what I’ve done, then that’s entirely your decision. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them, along with your choice for #16 Mississippi Half-Step OF ALL TIME.

111 Comments

  1. YOU are a great writer. THANKS for the perfect laughs. It’s healing and refreshing.

  2. Fuck me, I love you. I mean, yes, Bobby make fucking cowboy. or something. You crack me up, but also make me question why I love this retarded band. Thanks.

  3. “Dead to the Core: An Almanack of the Grateful Dead by Eric F. Wybenga. I’m going to write a whole post about this guy’s book, it’s so great.” 2/9/12

    Yes, please.

  4. This blog is awesome. Deadhead for be like make good at goes said wow

  5. I became fascinated by the Dead as a sophomore in high school in 1987. I went on to attend slightly over 100 shows. It was never about patchouli, peace, and love. Rather it was skulls, frying on acid, and bolts of lightning (and more acid). The other stuff was all part of the absurd parody that made the scene all the more entertaining. Thanks for recognizing that perspective. It makes me feel little better.

  6. Count me in …..this band is my favorite and to have a little fun with it from another angle is quite appealing to me. I don’t like to drone on with adulation and ass kissing, so satire is right up my Alley Palley.

  7. this is one of the funniest web sites i have ever come across. as a deadhead, i have to admit that the whole scene is extremely silly. you are a very gifted satirist- keep up the wonderful work. you provide a great service- laughter. thank you!

  8. I saw this on MSN today. Bad musical investments??? Lets lead with the Dead.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/91095469@N06/9626643219/sizes/o/in/photostream/

  9. Just wanted to say thanks for the best blog on the Internet. I literally ‘lol’ every time. Almost every time. Keep up the good work

  10. Thanks for the best blog on the internet. I ‘lol’ (almost) every post. Keep up the good work

  11. This is all hilarious. Great stuff

  12. Hans-Dieter Neumann

    May 2, 2014 at 1:35 am

    Highly entertaining, a bit too silly in the punch-the-dick department.

  13. I have had the phrase “Atlas Shrugs and Bids the Day Goodbye” in my head for a while and not known what to do with it. If you can use it, be my guest.

  14. It seems to have been forgotten, but during what was a musical low point for the Grateful Dead and a professional one for Joan Rivers, the late comedienne was booked as an emcee for the band at a Las Vegas concert. “You follow ONE BAND all across the country? Oh, grow up. I have no boobies! Jerry Garcia has bigger boobies than me. Can we talk? Picasso Moon. What the Hell is that?” If it wasn’t a Tila Tequila/Juggalo style debacle, it was nonetheless an ugly scene that no one involved wanted to see repeated.

  15. Why has this not been discussed in more detail?

    http://media.rhino.com/sites/media.rhino.com/files/Winterland%2077%20Cover%20Art.jpg?1277931303

    Keith is the only one who looks kinda normal. Which is to say, he looks like someone else.

  16. Anchovy Rancher

    October 22, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Having worked for (“with, alongside of, somewhat near, etc.”) a few incarnations of The Deadness, I can say, without an iota of regret that this blogish thing is refreshing yet…Somehow strangely stimulating. I even got to play L.D. at a NRPS show with His Pedal Steel Majesty and that Phil guy. These are MY credentials and I WILL poo behind the backline if you don’t like it.

  17. A friend suggested I post a pointer to some of my GD photos for your possible use. This one ought to be of interest: https://www.flickr.com/photos/dgans/15652018047/

  18. ten bucks sez u in west chester, v’ nova – main line rooted

  19. Wait…, how…, who did what? Please continue.

  20. Thought I’d share this little antidote with you guys, since no one I know in real life will understand.
    I work in an office building. This weekend we are having some of conference rooms painted. My job is to sit here and make sure the painters don’t abscond with anything. So I’m sitting at my desk kinda in my own little world catching up on some stuff. The painters could be stealing ten’s of dollars worth of post it notes and I would never know. MY post-its are safe on my desk where I can keep an eye on them. So anyway, I’m sitting here, guarding my post-its from klepto painters when one of them shows up at my desk. I still have no idea why because this is what happened.
    He asked me if I was listening to the Grateful Dead (said the whole name of the band-that’s a red flag, right there). I told him I was. (The “So Many Roads” boxed set-too early to go through the mental aerobics of choosing a show off archive.) He proceeds to tell me that “Shakedown Street” is one of his favorite albums, and that he doesn’t understand the fuss made about their live shows…And then asked me out.
    Now this guy a little bit younger than me, no so much that it would creepy, but a little younger, probably about 25 or so. And I haven’t been on date in awhile. He appears to have all his major appendages and teeth. Part of my brain went “the raw material is here, you could work with this. And then a voice in my head-might have been yours, I don’t know what your voice sounds like-says “the first time he suggests “France” or “If I had the World to Give” as “our song”” you’ll beat him to death with your shoe. Justifiable homicide, but still a lot of paperwork. So I politely declined and went back to keeping my office supplies safe from him and his little friends.

    • “France” is a good song. Just because it’s not Terrapin doesn’t mean you can go around beating guys with shoes over it. I have no idea why people treat it like it’s “We Can Run”. We can run…that’s a legit terrible song…you could beat the guy with a shoe for that…but that quasi calypso bobby donna duet France? Fuck that. You beat a guy for loving France and you are just wrong.

  21. Just stumbled across the “Let It Be Known” post, and damned if THIS isn’t the GD blog I’ve been looking for. I gotta lotta catchin’ up to do.

    • It makes more sense if you start at the beginning.

      • Indeed. I have already completed Jan and Feb 2012 and I need to take a breath after posting this note. (I work from home. My productivity in the last 24 hours has plummeted significantly. This is not a good thing.) The Miles post (http://thoughtsonthedead.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/the-other-ones/) was flat-out brilliant. (By the way, if you’re into craft beers, sip on this the next time you play Bitches Brew: http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/64/59151/) I haven’t laughed this much in quite some time, and I tend to pay attention to politics, so that includes most of what Michelle Bachmann and the Palins have to say (I was going to add Darrell Issa in there, but he’s just a douchenozzle). There are six or seven — wait, let me count; I think eight — new stains on my keyboard from snorting coffee out my nose. (Sorry, make that five; I just noticed that a few of those aren’t coffee.) As a lazy blogger for almost a decade and a working writer since the Reagan administration, I know full well what goes into a blog like this; you’re killin’ it. Thank you for the laughs and the insights; I can use them both. Happy holidays — may the Flying Spaghetti Monster grace you with his noodly goodness.

  22. This blog is genius!! I just found it a couple of days ago and have not been able to stop reading. Have you read the book U.S. Blues by Ed Watts? If not, I think you would dig it.

  23. Just wanted to make sure you knew this exists: Jerry Garcia Jerry’s Backstage Kitchen:
    http://youtu.be/OMZnjWONmUs

    Happy New Year

  24. I recently came across this interesting Charlie Miller sbd aud matrix recording of a backstage chat during a drums on the summer 79 tour. I don’t have the link anymore, so I transcribed it.

    -Brett. Brett! BRETT!
    -Oh, hey, Robert. I thought you were looking for someone else, you know, being as my name is Brent and all.
    -Sorry, man, I thought the ‘n’ was silent.
    -We’ve been in bands together for a while now, Bob.
    -I know, I know, I know…it won’t happen again, Ben.
    -Be…ah, forget it. What’s on your mind, before we gotta go back out.
    -Well, see, it’s like this: you’ve been doing a real swell job for the most part, we really like the harmonies and keys…
    -Thanks, man
    -But there’s this matter about not getting all the lyrics just exactly perfect.
    -Really, Bob? Look, man, I listened to the record. I listened to the record, ok? And when I’m singing Doo Dah Man, that’s the part that’s supposed to go there. If you are singing New Orleans, that’s on you, Bob.
    -No, I know, I know, I know. Truckin’ is a whole other thing, I’m working on it with a therapist. No, Bart, I’m talking about our big jam number Playin’ in the Band, the song we just did.
    -Due respect, what the f— are you talking about? I nailed that s—.
    -Well, yeah, you did real good, but you left out one crucial detail.
    -Oh, Jesus Christ, Weir. Not this again.
    -Well, it’s a part of the song.
    -No, it isn’t. It’s not in the lyrics. I read them and I re read them. Nowhere did Hunter write “Whoa-oh-yay-yeah” or anything remotely like that.
    -Yeah, but the fans expect it, especially when we’re coming back to the head after the jam.
    -No. N-O, no.
    -Donna did it.
    -Yeah, well there’s a lot of stuff Donna did that I’m not gonna do, Bob. We’ve talked about that, too.
    -Well, then, maybe we’ll just stop going back into the song after the jam if you aren’t going to do it right.
    -Fine by me Bob. Listen, I still have a minute before we gotta go back. I’m going to go take a p—.
    -OK. Other One out of Space.
    -Jerry said Peter.
    -That’s good, too.
    -Nice talking, Bob.
    -You, too, Keith.

  25. finally, a blog dedicated to the sport of kings: dick punching. really, bill will tell ya ’bout it…

  26. I have just been turned on to your blog. As a fan of the Dead for the past 35 years I have to say you are a brilliant and funny writer. I have laughed so hard at some of your entries. Keep ’em coming!

  27. Hi.

    I’ve been meaning to thank you for adding the adverb “choogly” into my personal lexicon. I’ve also begun to use “choogling,” and indeed many variations on the infinitive form. However, I’m not certain I have the definition right. Please advise as to whether or not this is an apt statement:

    “Besides the Grateful Dead, other bands, including The Band and Little Feat, have also been known to choogle.”

    Thank you.

  28. Thought on Robert Hunter. If someone said he was the greatest lyricist of the last fifty years, I’d tell them “I think your on something, and I think I know what it is.” However, if they threw the word Gentile in there, it’d be hard to argue with them.

  29. You’re. You are.

  30. i know what i am but what are you?

  31. How did my kid and I (photo from Deer Creek 1993) get on your site?
    just curious.

  32. Hey TotD
    Shoot me an e-mail when you get a chance. Thanks.

  33. hello…my second request regarding your use of my image of Jerry Garcia and Bruce Hornsby…please get back to me so we can appropriate copyright info adjacent to the image…

    robbi cohn
    dead images

  34. you are fucking brilliant!

  35. Hey, your blog is a riot! Thanks to the New Yorker for pointing it out to me. You might enjoy a couple entries re my conversations with Jerry & my disastrous night at 2/11/70 on this short old blog I did a few years back: zots.me

  36. My #16 Half Step is July 18, 1976 at the Orpheum. Not quite as good as 10-14-77 in Houston but better than 3-24-81 in London.

  37. I posted this on Facebook and people seemed to like it, so thought I’d share: Curiosity was just piqued as to what The Cure have been up to lately (if anything), which led to reading a review of some shows they did last year which were criticized for lasting far too long. Then, after seeing recent pics of Robert Smith, I had to juxtapose these two pics. My high school prediction that The Cure were going to become The Dead of my generation, and black would be the new tie-dye didn’t come true, but these pics do go well together.

    http://www.claytoncallphoto.com/Music/Grateful-Dead/i-j7DBMvq/0/L/Jerry%20Garcia%20071584-1-L.jpg

    http://www.billboard.com/files/styles/promo_650/public/media/robert-smith-the-cure-bottlerock-music-fest-2014-billboard-650.jpg

  38. Barf Bucket Bob

    July 23, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    I have some photos of you.Check me out on FaceBook https://www.facebook.com/barfbucket

  39. Hi!
    While I suppose it’s possible that I’ve not read every post on your blog, it’s doubtful. And, I feel like I’d remember if I found any reference to this here, so I’ll link this for your pleasure: Weir’s World by appsNminded
    https://appsto.re/us/kyzBv.i
    (Well, maybe I will…never sure if I send clickable crap).
    It isn’t some sort of virus or computer AIDS or anything; it’s an actual children’s app by (and starring) a shorts-wearing, guitar wielding Bobby. He makes sheep noises (which is why I got it…I was hoping for donkey, too). And the stoned sheep and chicken are co-existing with a wolf (also stoned). It’s a scary barn actually…for some reason, there’s a spider and snake in there, too. When you click on them, they turn into Acid Animals. I think the app does more things, but it wants to access my microphone, and that’s just a step too far for me.
    I would personally like to see a line of tshirts to go with this app. I was also like an update where Bobby forgets the words and has to rely on six year olds to bail him out with the lyrics to “The Alphabet Song”.

  40. I have no idea how I found you and I don’t really know what you’re doing, but you seem to be doing it at a word-rankable level. I’m smitten. And I like your friends. Maggiemay seems wise beyond her years (lice behind her ears?) – unless she’s just pretending to be so young. I’ve heard people do that – she uses a suspicious amount of complete sentences. Also punctuation. Spencer seems like some sort of cyber-Harpo Marx-savant. I don’t know how anybody does anything anymore.
    Anyway, I’ve always loved the Dead, but I kind of wandered off around the time they made Touch of Grey. I thought they’d sold out. I never would have guessed where things were headed. (Are you old enough to remember when selling-out was looked down upon? How did it become so many people’s highest aspiration? You’re not hoping to get bought by Big Dead, are you?)
    I sort of zoned out for the next few decades, occasionally spinning the old vinyl or buying a Dick’s Pick and trying hard not to pay too much attention to the state of the world. But then I was startled awake by a shattered patella – Ouch! – and I found myself with a lot of free time, not to mention a bunch oxys – legal ones – on my hands. I couldn’t look at the television because it had somehow gotten Kardashian all over it, so I got my 13-year-old (how did I get a 13-year-old?) to show me how to turn on my computer (how did I get a computer?) and locate the webs. Well. I used to think that torrents were like cascades or cataracts or what my ex-girlfriend’s tears came in, but now I have over 150 shows – ON MY PHONE! It probably comes as no surprise to you that they now have super-tiny things you can put in your phone that hold gigajillions of FLACS, or that phone-flacs can come out of the car radio – without even wires! I’m old and really shouldn’t be surprised by anything and yet I’m stunned. Again. The future is a strange and awesome place!
    Still, my heart remains in the 70’s. I never could understand why anyone would ever go to a stadium for anything. I mean, isn’t that where the right wing paramilitaries take you to wait to be disappeared? Or ISIS to chop off your hands? Or Brits to throw up on you and stomp you? I don’t think Jerry really wanted to go there. I think he was happier at the Keystone. Which is one of the reasons I love all those Jerry Bands – and John Kahn. Which brings me to my real question – why not more John Kahn jokes? Or Nicky Hopkins? No Deborah Koons jokes I can understand – some things are just too dark for comedy.

    Anyway, keep up the stellar work.

  41. Hey ToTD..

    is it cool to share a picture that might be of interest to you?

    How do I do that? Email, this place, comments, tweet?

    Anyhow this tennis ad does not seem to have the circulation it deserves.

    http://www.dead.net/sites/default/files/images/19700625_2407.jpg

  42. ToTD,

    I have decided to catch up on all of your blogs I have missed.

    This site goes back to Jan 2012..

    Was there another site before that, or is that it?

    Thanks

    Tor

  43. I think you’re aware that Phil has been doing a series of shows commemorating each year of the Dead’s history. On Thursday, 8/27, the year was 1980, and the show they recreated was 6/21, the last of the three Anchorage shows. Atypically, Feel Like a Stranger closed the first set. I had to wonder if this was the moment Felicity Seidel was plucked from the audience! It was pretty serendipitous that this was the show Phil decided to perform, so soon after you let us know about Ms. Seidel’s run at the NYC fringe festival. Perhaps Mr. Lesh is one of your followers? Anyway, I wanted to make sure you knew about this…

  44. I can’t quite remember how I stumbled up on this. But, you, sir, have me laughing my ass off. Especially with this Katy Perry saga that’s going on right now! Great work and keep it up!

  45. LOVE your blog. Who are you, really?
    #16 Mississippi Half-step of all time? Do you mean 16th favorite? Not a big fan of that song. I prefer Sugaree. Check this out, dead at the Beat Club in Germany 1972: https://youtu.be/H6Uu57h7H18?t=23m26s – Jerry shuts Sugaree down because someone “played the wrong changes in there”. Bobby keeps looking down while Bill is laughing at the whole thing. (Though apparently it was Pig Pen who screwed up – great Mr. Charlie by the way.)
    Oh and don’t feel bad, I confess that I too secretly rejoiced in hearing of his death (A.S.).

  46. youtube video test

  47. okay, I think I got the hang of it

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