Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Acceptable Excuses For Cannibalism

  • Some folks are just tasty.
  • Stuck on a mountain in the Andes after your plane crashes.
  • Snowed in on the pass.
  • Supermarket’s closed.
  • If you ask someone what they want to eat, and they say “I don’t know; you pick,” and you pick a place and they reject it, then you are allowed to eat them.
  • Traffic jam over ten miles long.
  • If a person has a talent, or skill, or power that you wish to possess, then you may eat that person.
  • Muggers should engage in cannibalism to destroy the evidence of a crime. (They should also eat the wallets, I guess.)
  • Someone dares you, like, in front of people and you would look like a pussy if you didn’t eat a person.
  • Rain delay.
  • Wandered in to the seediest bar in Bangkok and told the bartender you wanted to “try something new.” (Actually, that’s a terrible excuse, but it’s an explanation of how the cannibalism happened. All Bangkok stories contain the phrase “one thing led to another, and…”)
  • Only had enough money for one honeymoon ticket, so you ate your spouse.
  • Felt like Chinese.


  1. Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways going to……sorry

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    June 3, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    i’m gluten-free. on mondays & thursdays.

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