Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

All 26 Letters Of The Alphabet, Ranked From Worst To Best

26. C The most useless letter, C does nothing that either K or S could not do; C also fucks up where I and E go, except for sometimes, but sometimes is actually most of the time because the “cie” sequence is more common than the “cei” one. A few good states and curse words start with C, but that’s it.

25. Q Fuck you, Q. Why do you get a sidekick letter, Q? Is U your Robin, Q? Is U the sidecar to your motorcycle, Q? Holy shit, Q: do you own U? Are you a slaver, Q? Also, many annoying famous people’s names begin with Q, plus I like to play a Boggle-ripoff game on my phone, and when Q pops up, the whole round is ruined: even if you luck into a next-door U, then you still need another vowel to make a word. Q is helpless on its own.

24. W Get your own name, W. And get a name that’s not a lie: you are two V’s, not two U’s, W.

23. E This is a shocker, I know. E is the most common letter in the English language; that’s why it’s at #23: it’s just common.

How much longer you going to keep this up?

This particular variation on the theme, or the theme itself?

Either, both.


What’s number one?



If you hadn’t interrupted me, you’d know.


  1. Can we agree that Qi broke scrabble? I mean Qat badly damaged scrabble, but Qi outright broke it.

    If Phil and Billy played scrabble, Qi would be played by Phil, and that would be the last time the band played together.

  2. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    September 14, 2016 at 9:50 am

    The worst letter name? Double-you. Not only does it not look like two U’s, it is not even right after its supposed namesake.

  3. patent_that_trex_now

    September 14, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    Them’s strong words about C, friend. I don’t see S or K making the CH- sound.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      September 14, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      We’ll have shicken sandwiches and watch Jay Cutler dzhoke for the Shicago Bears.

      C is the first letter in Communism.

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