Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

All Popes On Deck

pope life preserver

Hey, Pope Francis. Whatcha doing?

“I’m-a teaching about-a da water safety. Summer’s-a coming.”

Is that your life-preserver, Your Holiness?

“No, no: mine’s-a white.”


“Gotta wear-a da life jacket. All-a da priests on-a my boat have-a to wear-a da jackets. And-a if there’s enough, the nuns-a get jackets, too.”

You have a boat?

“It’s-a da Popeboat. We load-a it up with-a da sacramental wine and have-a da booze cruise.”


“Oh, si. It’s-a tough gig. Refugees this, and-a da cripples that.”

So you take the boat out on Sundays?

“Sundays? No, no: that’s-a my crazy day. You know-a da song, Manic Monday? My Sunday is-a my have to run day.”


“It’s-a not my fun day.”

I understand. Back to the Popeboat, Your Holiness.

“It’s-a nice boat. Ooh, I like-a da boat.”

Sounds like it.

“You touch-a my boat, I break you face.”


“I like-a to catch-a da fish.”

I did not know this about you.

“Love-a da fish. First, I bless-a da bait.”


“And then I bless-a da reel.”


“Long-a story short: everything gets-a da blessing.”

Are you a good fisherman? Do you catch a lot of fish?

“I’m-a like-a da Ted Williams.”

That is an obscure reference, Pope Francis.

“But I don’t-a eat-a da fish! When I catch-a da fish, I throw-a him back.”

That’s nice of you.

“I give-a da fish a blessing first.”

Just like Saint Francis.

“Si, si. But it cause-a da problem with-a da Pope of Fish. He-a say I’m-a on his territory.”

There’s a Pope of Fish?

“Si, si. There’s-a da Pope of-a da everything. Pope of Fish, Pope of Greenwich Village, list-a goes on.”

If you say so.

“Last-a time out, I let-a Benedict drive-a da boat.”

How’d that go?

“Put-a da thing in a ditch.”

How is that even possible?

“That’s-a what I want-a to know! That-a fucking guy. Oh! Forgive-a da language.”

I forgive you.

“Right-a back atcha.”


  1. Luther Von Baconson

    May 29, 2016 at 9:52 am


  2. Luther Von Baconson

    May 29, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    Haugen’s, yes that’s the one. lots of wind north of Oshawa, all that pickled beets, cabbage rolls, rotkraut, perogis, schweinsaxe, baked beans…..

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