Hey, Joh–
“It’s on. They want a Rando War, they got one.”
…
I hate all of you.
“Look at ’em! Hipster randos in their summer uniforms!”
I see. Please don’t escalate this.
“Bobby brings one rando, I bring two. Billy finds a pack of randos, I get a brigade of ’em. That’s the Connecticut way.”
John, please–
“SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE RANDOS!”
–don’t…I need to write a book and get away from you people.
“You need to write a book, I need to pay too much for ugly bullshit and solo: we all got needs, man. And right now? I need to win this Rando War.”
It isn’t even a thing!
“John Mayer being in the Grateful Dead isn’t a thing, either, but here we are. RANDO WAR!”
…
What are you wearing on your lower limbs?
“Pants.”
You sure?
“I bought them at–”
We all know where you bought them, and we all know what happened to you while you were there. Move on and answer the question.
“They’re just pants, man.”
If those are pants, then where the hell’s your potato salad? I see a plate you could put the potato salad on, but no salad.
…
“Please stop thinking about my crotch so much.”
If it were where a crotch should be, then I would.
“Can I go? I have to look at these pins. Did you know I collect vintage Dead pins?”
Since when?
“Since these guys showed them to me.”
Sure.
“Already bought about three million worth.”
Sounds right.
“Almost all of them turned out to be fake.”
That also sounds right.
“RANDO WAR!”
God, I wish Garcia were alive.
well, it is true that you need to write a book.
That lighter looks suspicious to me.
A real Garcia would not have bothered clearing incriminating items for a photo.
Great so now I’m a hipster rando? Don’t know if I should be flattered or bummed…
Dude, you were one of the very first piece of artillery that JM pulled ut in the great Rando War of Summer ’16. You’re like the rifle that fired that first shot at Fort Sumter, or the first Panzer across the Polish border. You’re historic. Totally should be flattered.
What is this good or am i getting punched in the dick right now hahaha
So good.