Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Alternate Jeff Sessions Excuses

  • “Oh, the Russian ambassador? I thought you said the Prussian ambassador, whom I still contend that I have never met.”
  • “I believed that the question was directed to a different racist.”
  • “There was, in my opinion, a good chance that Senator Franken had taken some pots before the hearing, and–in my fear of what he might do to me while high on said pots–I misremembered.”
  • “I forgot to make the finger-quote gesture to indicate that I was saying ‘no’ sarcastically.”
  • “Who better to prosecute the Russians than someone who really knows them, right? Right?”
  • “I was distracted thinking about the four soldiers that Hillary Clinton ate in Benghazi.”
  • “Senator Schumer has eaten blintzes many times; how come he’s not in trouble?”
  • “Listen, I can’t keep track of every Russian spy I have secret meetings with.”
  • “In addition to Senator Franken’s marihuana abuse, I was also very distracted by his hair. It has a specific type of curl to it that I found very familiar.”
  • “This is, somehow, Obama’s fault.”
  • “What’s a little treason between friends?”


  1. Sorry to be master of the obvious, but Jefferson Beauregard should exclaimed “The South will rise again!” after every inference of Russian interference. I know if I had done the same as Jefferson Beauregard did in his confirmation hearings, I would be charged with perjury. He was under oath & lied: aren’t these fucks supposed to be all about the “rule of law”. They tried to impeach Bill Clinton for similar reasons(strange how Kenneth Starr oversaw the rise of a massive rape culture at Baylor considering he was supposed to be such a paragon of virtue). I will smoke a massive joint and think about Jefferson Beauregard while doing it.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    March 3, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Marihuana pots?

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