“You look Jewish.”
Wow, this is off to a good start.
“Oh, you took that as an insult? Why? Do you think looking Jewish is bad? Sounds like you’re the anti-Semite.”
Can we just do this?
“Yes. Unlike liberals, I have a job to get back to.”
Uh-huh. Okay, so you voted for Donald Trump?
“I had to.”
You had to?
“Well, people kept calling me an idiot for voting for him, so I sure showed them.”
“And now they’re all crying and scared.”
Why do you sound happy when you say that?
“Because the sadness and fear of others gladdens me. It makes me feel better than them.”
Okay. So, how do you think the president is doing so far?
“He’s doing great!”
“WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ATTACK HIM?”
I was just asking you to elaborate.
“GIVE HIM A CHANCE.”
Okay, I will: here is the chance. Explain why you think he’s doing great.
“How about the Muslim ban?”
The Muslim bad was already struck down.
“It wasn’t a Muslim ban. Who ever said it was a Muslim ban?”
You. Just now.
“I was being sarcastic.”
“Islam is a hateful, loathsome, degenerate ideology whose practitioners aren’t fit to live with decent humans, but it wasn’t a Muslim ban.”
Wait: if the first clause of your predicate is true, then wouldn’t you rightfully desire the second?
“What are you, some kind of professor?”
“Hillary is so corrupt.”
We weren’t talking about her.
“She shoves calzones up little boys’ asses.”
I don’t think she does.
“Hillary Clinton is the head of an international ring of billionaire perverts that can only achieve orgasm through stuffing Italian foodstuffs up the buttholes of children.”
Sure, fine. Let’s talk about Russia.
“Russia? Jesus, you leftists will believe anything.”
There seems to be evidence of collusion between–at the very least–several members of Trump’s team and high-ranking Kremlin officials.
“Wow, collusion? Awesome! Time for some collusion around here. Last 8 years: no collusion at all. Look at West Virginia, look at Michigan. There’s no collusion there at all, and that’s why Trump won. America needs to get back to collusion.”
You don’t know what ‘collusion’ means, do you?
“I’m sure you have your own definition that you read in a liberal dictionary.”
Let’s move on.
“Noah Webster was a shill for George Soros.”
I said, let’s move on.
“Why? You triggered?”
Sure, that’s it. Can we get back to Russia?
“What do you have against Russia?”
The knowledge of their history.
“Why wouldn’t we want to be friends with Russia? We should be friends with every country.”
What about Australia?
“No, fuck them.”
“Current Germany or the one from 70 years ago?”
“Pass. Do you know that every German citizen is now required to learn Arabic and pray to Mecca five times a day?”
I did not know that because it isn’t true.
“Fine, stay in your echo chamber. I’ve got this great YouTube video that explains the whole thing.”
“President Trump should make Germany great again, too. Next Executive Order should be a Muslim ban for Germany.”
How would that work?
“It would work awesomely.”
What do you think of all the leaks coming out of the White House describing chaos, in-fighting, and an out-of-touch executive?
“50% of those leaks are fake news, 50% are from Obama staffers still working there, and 50% are straight-up Jew lies.”
“I know. Because that’s how hard they’re working to bring down this president.”
This was fun.
“Let’s do it for eight more years.”
Or eight more weeks. Whichever.