Dear Dead.Net Comment Section,
Who did this to you, Dead.Net Comment Section? Who hurt you like this to inspire such confused fusillades of fury? You lash out against your surroundings like a hungry baby wolverine; you are made of teeth and opinions, D.NCS.
Today’s announcement that Dave’s Picks Volume 23 would be the legendary 1/22/78 show from Eugene, Oregon should have been a joyous occasion, like a bris, but instead you’ve turned it terrible, like a surprise bris. (Movie idea: ninja moils. Silent Semitic shadow-stalkers slice schmeckels. Someone call Amir Bar-Lev.)
At first, you let your 80’s Truther flag fly and denigrated David Lemieuxvebitchgetouttheway as a boob and a nitwit. One of you accused him of being sexually aroused by lakes, which is in all likelihood true, and many of you ended your missives with “Sad!” or “Sick!” or “No Russia!” Within a few hours, though, the message board took a hard left and began castigating DL for the fact that the release–which, if I’ll remind you, you all objected to vigorously–was sold out.
D.NCS, I had to check that I wasn’t on Reddit while I was reading you. That is no compliment.
But I write not strictly to complain. That’s your job. I have a solution: be like my Comment Section. It’s lovely in there, if a bit odd, and there is virtually no bitching except when I write about punching Nazis, and I learned my lesson on that one. Look at my Comment Section, D.NCS! It is affable and sometimes helpful, and has mostly learned how to post images. If it were a dog, it would a St. Bernard. Lazy, good-hearted, fond of brandy, and drooling. If you were a dog, D.NCS, you would be a dog complaining about David Lemieux.
In conclusion: everyone can see you, D.NCS. Please behave for the gentiles.
Love And Other Indoor Sports,
Thoughts on the Dead