The sun is in your vagina.
“That must be what draws people to it.”
How’s the arch support in those things?
“Walk a mile in them.”
What is patience?
“To forbear; to foreswear.”
Just a little patience?
What’s the longest word in the English language?
“‘No’ seems to last for a bit longer than the others, doesn’t it? Or pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, if you’d rather be humdrum about things.”
Say it once and it sounds like praying.
“Say it twice and it sounds like you were doing deep breathing exercises next to an active volcano.”
Is that what that means?
Weird that it happens so often that a word is needed.
“But heartening to know that it happens so rarely that the word is stupidly long. If it happened all the time, it would be ‘a cold’ or ‘the flu.’ We talk about that shit so much they needed one-syllable names.”
Your linguistic theories are fascinating. May I do yoga with you?
“Are you asking sincerely, or are you using ‘yoga’ as a euphemism for grabbing on me?”
The second thing.
“Hmm. I’m sorry, but I’m dating someone. And you’re simply not up to my standards. Any of them.”
I can’t argue. Who’s the lucky fellow?
“Not a fellow. I’m dating The Most Confusing Flag In The World.”
“OH, I GUESS YOUR SO-CALLED TOLERANCE ONLY EXTENDS SO FAR, HUH!?”
Yes. It’s not an open-door policy.
“FUCK YOU, WEAKLING! DEATH TO SOMEONE, OR EVERYONE, OR NO ONE. I DON’T KNOW WHO I HATE, BUT IT’S SOMEONE!”
I wish I had more material so I didn’t have to do this bit.