Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

And The Telethon Is On Its Way

bobby tux singing deb ball

“If we’re running a marathon, then why am I in a tux?”

Telethon, Bobby.

“Ah. That makes much more sense, yeah.”

The teleprompter. Just read the teleprompter.

“Can’t have a telethon without a teleprompter.”


“Okay, here we go. Welcome everyone to the First Annual TotD Telethon. My name’s Phil Lesh and…um.”

Shit! Sorry! Gotta rewrite the rewrite.

“You’re not great at this.”

Okay, here.

“Sure, sure. So, uh, my name is Bob Weir and I’m hosting tonight. We’ve got all kinds of guests and surprises, plus Tony Orlando in New York. Really? Tony Orlando?”

tony orlando

“Hey, Bob. Here’s the number to call if you’re in Bergen or Passaic. Also, this joke is so incredibly fucking specific.”

“Even more so than usual, yeah. I think maybe he’s lost it a little.”

I can hear you.

“I know.”


“Yes, Tony Orlando?”

“With the world the way it is, don’t we all need just a bit of fun and silliness? And maybe a little semi-profound bullshit every once in a while?”


“You work for free?”

“Shit, no.”

“Me, neither.”

Subtle, guys.

“So, uh, Tony: how’s Dawn?”

“Not a person.”

“Jesus, Tony, that’s racist as hell.”

“It’s the name of the band, Bob. Tony Orlando and Dawn. Like Chaka Khan and Rufus.”

“Rufus isn’t a person, either!?”

Can you two get back on topic?

“Hey! Give him money.”

“Uh, yeah. What Tony Orlando said.”


  1. From the Podium, our nominee yelled donate donate donate, hoping for unity.

    Unity however was to be denied and our hero faced continued discord.

    From the floor the scruffy ruffians, the “comment creeps” as the press had labeled them, held up signs that said
    “book or bust” , a few of them lit themselves or something nearby on fire in protest.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    August 1, 2016 at 3:10 am


  3. Luther Von Baconson

    August 1, 2016 at 5:37 am

    you need coolin’…..westchester/putnam is lighting up

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