Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Another Conversation Between Texe And Freeman

texe marrs freeman pentagram

“Freeman, I’d like to thank you for coming back to the show.”

“I’ve been sleeping in the studio, Texe.”

“Great. Now: Satan.”


“Tell us about the Grateful Dead’s relationship with Satan.”

“Complex. Ever-changing. Sometimes the Grateful Dead worshipped Satan, sometimes they signed with his record label. Billy punched Satan in the dick once.”

“The Dead had a love/hate relationship with the Foul One, Freeman.”

“Well put.”

“Now, did they use the Ancient Rites or the Jewish Rituals to summon the Beast?”

“Well, Mickey was there, so part of the Ritual was Jewish, Texe.”


“Nightly, the Dead’s crew would collect the orgone generated by the crowd. This would power the Infernal Engine that bridged the etic and emic.

“Gosh, those words are small for being so fancy, Freeman.”

“Thank you for noticing.  If I may digress, the chupacabra is a failed DARPA project.”

“I hadn’t heard that. Failed?”

“They were trying to invent a taco that ate itself.”

“That is a failure. Back to the Dead: how were they involved in the faked moon landing?”

“House band.”

“That makes so much sense, Freeman.”

“Plus, halfway through the day, the drummers dosed the coffee urn and Buzz Aldrin freaked out, so they put Bob Weir in the spacesuit. That’s him in about half the pictures.”

“I knew I saw a ponytail in some of the shots.”

“Right, except Bob was hot and got some of the roadies to turn the spacesuit into shorts; they had to stop filming.”


“Some of the band was getting a little chatty: that’s why the first Tom Constanten was killed and replaced with a clone and then fired.”

“Can we get back to Satan, Freeman?”

“The Enemy is always around the corner, Texe.”

“Is the Grateful Dead organization still involved with the Devil?”

“John Mayer is in the band.”

“My word.”

“I don’t even know how to pronounce it.”

“It’s pronounced ‘Texe.'”



“Oh, that’s better.”

“Shut up, Dan.”



  1. I think we have to write off a lot of what Texe and Freeman say about Grateful Dead. It is obvious that they are unable to maintain the critical objectivity demanded by the high standards of TotD. Texe does a reasonable job keeping his obsession with the band’s obedient observance of the oblique commandments of the military and surveillance communities in check, but Freeman is incapable of masking his obsequious ponytail’s obligations. The more obdurate may read more meaning into their dialogue than is warranted.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    March 22, 2016 at 1:38 pm

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