Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Another Episode Of The Dead’s Amazon Show As Written By The Creators of HBO’s Vinyl

EXT: MONTEREY POP FESTIVAL – DAY

The Summer of Love! (We cannot refer to it as the Summer of Love for legal and financial reasons.)

We FOLLOW a large man through the crowd. His name is MACHO SCUNGILLI and he works for PASTICHE RECORDS. There are many people around him: HIPPIES and BEATNIKS and WHATEVER ELSE THE COSTUME DEPARTMENT CAN FIND.

Macho is wearing BELL BOTTOMS and FLOWERS IN HIS HAIR and a LEATHER BLAZER.

He stops a SKINNY BLACK GUY with a STRATOCASTER as he passes.

MACHO
Hey, lemme borrow that for a second.

Macho grabs the guitar and FLIPS IT OVER, pouring THE MOST COCAINE YOU’VE EVER SEEN onto it, even though it’s 1967.

He SCHNARFS the YAYO.

MACHO
HOOOooooo! That’s good yayo!
(…)
What’s your name, kid?

JIMI HENDRIX
My name’s Jimi Hendrix, mister.

MACHO
Have you met Bob Weir?

JIMI HENDRIX
No, but I have a feeling that when I do meet him,
we’ll be the best of friends.

AUDIO CUE: FOXEY LADY AS COVERED BY THE MILK CARTON KIDS

A TALL MAN with a STUPID HAT walks up.

MACHO
Hey, Papa John Phillips of The Mamas and
the Papas!

JOHN PHILLIPS
Hey, brother. Peace and love.

MACHO
Peace and love.

JIMI HENDRIX
Peace and love.

MACHO
This is what the past was like. Anyway, nice
catching up, but I have to go discover The Who.

EXT: ONSTAGE – NIGHT

Four ACTORS IN BAD WIGS are onstage wearing Who costumes. The GUY PLAYING KEITH MOON clearly does NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE DRUMS. Also, The Who would not permit their songs to be used, it is a COVER of Substitute by NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL that sounds ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE, EXACTLY UNLIKE THE WHO.

The Who DESTROYS THEIR INSTRUMENTS because THAT’S WHAT THE VIEWERS EXPECT and then leave the stage.

MACHO
Holy shit, guys! That was some authenticity!

PETE TOWNSHEND, who is played by MICK JAGGER’S NEPHEW answers him in a TERRIBLE BRITISH ACCENT.

PETE TOWNSHEND
Thanks, Macho. But I’ve been feeling so constrained by
pop songs. I want to write something bigger. Something grand.

MACHO
You mean like a rock…opera?

PETE TOWNSHEND
A rock opera! That’s it! Once again, the guy from the record
company is the real hero of the story.

Behind him, Keith Moon DRIVES HIS CAR INTO A POOL.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE

JERRY GARCIA and BOB WEIR stand there, HOLDING THE WRONG GUITARS.

BOBBY
Jer?

GARCIA
Yeah, Bob?

BOBBY
I thought this show was about us.

GARCIA
Eh. Hollywood.

BOBBY
Ah.

GARCIA
Hey, who was that black guy you were playing with? That
guy could play, man.

BOBBY
Oh, that was Jimi Hendrix.

GARCIA
Cool.

BOBBY
He’s my new best friend.

GARCIA
Okay, Bob.

Behind them, KEITH MOON DRIVES ANOTHER CAR INTO ANOTHER POOL.

3 Comments

  1. Best Post Evar

  2. viscious. did you read pete’s bio? that’s one sad motherfucker right there. of course he wrote great songs. i bring it up because he credits jann wenner with editing quadrophenia. ok, jann isn’t a record-company guy (at least he wasn’t back in 1972), but god damn he did a good job. have you heard the demos? without exception, all the songs left off that album suck.

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