Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Appropriate Acts For The Inauguration

A women named Rebecca Ferguson, who is a foreign singer I’ve never heard of, has volunteered to play at Trump’s inauguration. Oddly enough, the President-Elect is having trouble filling the slots for his show, possibly due to being an unqualified sociopath or maybe people just have scheduling conflicts. Ms. Ferguson has added one condition, though: she will only perform if allowed to sing Strange Fruit, which is about lynching and was made famous by Billie Holiday and Nina Simone.

TotD applauds Rebecca Ferguson, whoever the fuck she is, and thinks she has the right idea. In fact, I think I can help. Here are some other performers and what their acts might look like:

  • R.E.M. – It’s the End of the World as I know It (And I Feel Fine).
  • Anal Cunt – Any song. Literally any single song, just as long as they’re introduced as “Anal Cunt” and the band’s name is written legibly on the bass drum.
  • Reanimated Sam Kinison – Ten minutes straight of screaming: OH-OHHH! Not even any material, just screaming.
  • Nikolai Volkoff – Soviet National Anthem.
  • Extreme Elvis – Dixie. (Google “Extreme Elvis” at your own discretion.)
  • DMX – Any song that includes barking, so: any song.
  • Charles Manson – Don’t Do Anything Illegal.
  • Axl Rose, three hours late – It’s So Easy>Tantrum>Riot.
  • Sly Stone, seven hours late – Don’t Call Me Nigger, Whitey.
  • Phil & Ned – Seastones.
  • G. G. Allin, but not reanimated: the rotted and half-gone corpse of G. G. Allin laid out on a cheap beach chair with an obese Elvis imitator manipulating his jaw so it looks like he’s singing – My Way.*

*It’s what G.G. would have wanted. Honestly, it is.

7 Comments

  1. The main A.C. dude is also dead . . . But if that doesn’t stop G.G. then it should not stop him either!

    BUT! There is an even better option: a new group called Anal Trump put out a 30-song album that runs 3 minutes in total a couple of months ago. Rob Crow of Pinback and Goblin Cock is the mastermind behind it, and it is worth a peek and spin just to read the song titles . . . Here is the full album on Youtube, most definitely NSFW:

    https://youtu.be/_Pm6g1a3R0s

    But TOTALLY appropriate for the inaugural ball. You are spot on there!

  2. Why not Funkadelic:

    Black Flag would also suffice. Everyone thought they were some white separatist group though they neglected the fact that Greg Ginn is a huge Deadhead who was making fun of white people’s fears from SoCal. A Mexican is the singer here. The song still resonates three decades later:

    Trump has always wanted to appeal to black people so why not add NWA to the entertainers. Ice Cube gave his support to Trump, so it seems like a natural that this should be played:

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    January 4, 2017 at 12:04 pm

    Neil

  4. “the rotted and half-gone corpse of G. G. Allin laid out on a cheap beach chair with an obese Elvis imitator manipulating his jaw so it looks like he’s singing – My Way.*

    You make everything shame. You make all of Science shame.

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