A women named Rebecca Ferguson, who is a foreign singer I’ve never heard of, has volunteered to play at Trump’s inauguration. Oddly enough, the President-Elect is having trouble filling the slots for his show, possibly due to being an unqualified sociopath or maybe people just have scheduling conflicts. Ms. Ferguson has added one condition, though: she will only perform if allowed to sing Strange Fruit, which is about lynching and was made famous by Billie Holiday and Nina Simone.
TotD applauds Rebecca Ferguson, whoever the fuck she is, and thinks she has the right idea. In fact, I think I can help. Here are some other performers and what their acts might look like:
- R.E.M. – It’s the End of the World as I know It (And I Feel Fine).
- Anal Cunt – Any song. Literally any single song, just as long as they’re introduced as “Anal Cunt” and the band’s name is written legibly on the bass drum.
- Reanimated Sam Kinison – Ten minutes straight of screaming: OH-OHHH! Not even any material, just screaming.
- Nikolai Volkoff – Soviet National Anthem.
- Extreme Elvis – Dixie. (Google “Extreme Elvis” at your own discretion.)
- DMX – Any song that includes barking, so: any song.
- Charles Manson – Don’t Do Anything Illegal.
- Axl Rose, three hours late – It’s So Easy>Tantrum>Riot.
- Sly Stone, seven hours late – Don’t Call Me Nigger, Whitey.
- Phil & Ned – Seastones.
- G. G. Allin, but not reanimated: the rotted and half-gone corpse of G. G. Allin laid out on a cheap beach chair with an obese Elvis imitator manipulating his jaw so it looks like he’s singing – My Way.*
*It’s what G.G. would have wanted. Honestly, it is.