Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Appropriate Reactions To The Announcement Of The Beyoncé Pregnancy

  • Awe.
  • Castigation of the flesh in recognition of how pathetic you are in comparison to the unborn children.
  • Starting an online petition to name the twins Ceyoncé and Deyoncé
  • Buying Solange a “World’s Greatest Aunt” tee-shirt.
  • Longform essay in Pitchfork declaring the ascendancy of Popism.
  • Rending of garments.
  • Keening.
  • Ululating.
  • Just completely losing your shit in the bedding aisle of Target.
  • Going through Bible and crossing out Jesus’ name and writing in Beyoncé.
  • Spontaneous combustion.
  • Taking your dick out at the Foot Locker.
  • Quite honestly: if you do not experience a full-blown sympathetic pregnancy, then you’re not a real fan.
  • Remember Scanners?
  • Completely appropriate response.

1 Comment

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    February 1, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    awesome!

    louis d g

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