Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Are The Women Actually Smarter?

  • No women were involved in starting the Vietnam War, which is pretty smart of them.
  • Chose to wear their primary genitalia on the inside, where it is secure and dignified, instead of on the outside, where it flops about like an epileptic clown without his medication.
  • Not as impressed by funny-car racing, which is a decision that denotes intelligence.
  • All women are innately skilled at refrigerator repair. (For my lady readers: this is true. You know how to fix a fridge. You’ve just never tried. Spread your wings and go take your refrigerators apart. You will instinctively know how to put it back together, and it will be more energy-efficient and might now have Bluetooth. Trust me: go disassemble your fridge.)
  • When we think of the Civil War, the phrase “brother against brother” comes to mind, but never “sister against sister.”
  • This is because the women (mostly) opted out of the war fought after the invention of machine guns, but before the invention of medicine.
  • Farm needed running.
  • There can be no argument that keeping the farm running is smarter than civil warring.
  • Women have their own Foot Locker.
  • Very few people take their dicks out at Lady Foot Locker.
  • Regular Foot Locker is a constant barrage of dicks.
  • Men will lay their dicks on the foot-measuring machine.
  • “Marlene! I’m a UK 8!”
  • Chaos.
  • Lady Foot Locker, by contrast, is a dickless paradise; for that, I salute ladies.
  • The women I know all have their sight, even though they spent a good deal of their childhoods in the Barbie aisle at the toy store, which you will recall is a retina-searing shade of pink that leaves floaters and fireworks in your vision for hours afterwards; did they wear goggles?
  • Lesbian porn is straight porn, but gay porn is gay porn: I don’t know how that reflects on women’s intelligence, frankly.
  • Probably more of a random observation on baked-in societal bullshit.
  • Women have mostly not gotten caught up in the beard fad.
  • It has never rained women, which is very smart on the women’s behalf. (I’ve mentioned this before, but no matter how much you enjoy men, if they begin raining from the sky, then get to the strongest underground shelter you can find. The Day It Rained Men will not be a day remembered fondly; there will be tribute concerts. Tens of thousands will die. Radio stations will stop playing that song.)

From this, we might affirm that: yes, the women are indeed smarter.


  • Einstein was a man.
  • Women are not men.
  • Therefore, no woman is Einstein.
  • Boom.

TotD declares the Battle of the Sexes to be not just a draw, but a silly battle to have been pitched in the first place. Furthermore, men and women are declared to all be morons, collectively and individually, and should probably stop making decisions for a while.

There. That settles it. Let’s have no more discussion about the whole sordid frumphery.

Carry on.


  1. of all the different things we could have between the genders, who the hell picked a “battle”?

    …it was a guy, wasn’t it


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