“Bullshit. This is all bullshit. Where’s my house? The wet, warm place? The place I was built for, the perfect environment: regulated and temperate and salty. Put me back in there, dammit.
“I was happy in there. Now it’s cold and people keep dressing me to reflect their musical tastes.
“And sometimes I’m hungry and have to start screaming until the Lady comes. I never had to scream when I was in the lady.
“Pooping’s fun, though. I peed all over the Guy the other day when he let his guard down. That was awesome.
“Old Guy here seems all right. Dunno why waving me around at crowds makes him so happy, but whatever.”