Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Bad Super-Hero Names

  • Awesome Fucker.
  • The Wombat.
  • Battle Fist.
  • Terror Fist.
  • Iron Fist.
  • Rear Admiral Freedom.
  • The Aluminum Android.
  • Kartikeya.
  • Brice Bixby, the Incontinent Shploink.
  • Human Diving Board. (His power was as shitty as his name. City was destroyed several times over on his watch.)
  • The Wafting Funk. (She was even more useless than HDB: she put out a mildly unpleasant aroma that just floated with the breeze, but she kept getting all these big-time team-ups because she’s Rear Admiral Freedom’s illegitimate kid.)
  • Fabio.
  • The Revanchist.
  • Lady Penis, the Gender Blaster.
  • Crujientes de Papa.
  • Shatterstar.
  • Gay Batman.
  • The Mollycoddler.
  • Martin Macabre, DDS.
  • Spaghetti.
  • Eli Manning With Magical Swords.
  • Rape Whistle.
  • Prince S’taza of Wahooma, heir to the mantle of the Black Adder!
  • The Gynocerous. (This was a giant woman in battle armor who had affixed not the predictable horn to her head, but an attack vagina.)
  • Whale Shark. (A spotty attendance record in science class led young Billy Downes to give himself this moniker, thinking that a shark the size of a whale mist be a terror of a beast. After some research, Billy realized that he just ate plankton and didn’t give a fuck. He tried to change his name to Killer Whale, but that was already taken; he was fucked. Stay in school.)
  • Roamer. (Your phone service is poor at best around this fellow. At best.)
  • Mucus-Face.
  • The Rawdog Kid.
  • Za-Kandi, King of Africa! (White aristocrat, orphaned baby, magic jungle, friendly gorilla, lotta other racist bullshit, swinging on vines and whatnot.)
  • Vinnie Vincent.


  1. The Magenta Yenta

  2. Captain Cheese Dick

  3. Sir Luther Van Baconson

    May 18, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    Chamfer Bit Man?

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