Rumors abound, swirl, procreate, grow, invade Moldova: this is the way people do things, and for all evidence to the contrary, the Dead are just people. (Some of them are no longer people.)
The 50th anniversary will be a big year, the money has decided, and if certain band members need to be separated from one another by a chain-link fence, or others require cash deposits with the promoters due to the “not being upright for the show” problem they’ve acquired recently, then accommodations will be made. The money has stated, in no uncertain terms, its location and availability. All that is required is for four specific senior citizens (and whatever ringers they choose) to not kill each other (or die of unrelated causes) for long enough to go get the money.
But between comments boards of various sites, forums, anonymous tips, tweets from actual participants, leaked schedules, the bugs TotD has planted in Terrapin Crossroads, and things clearly pulled out of the universe’s ass and posted on Facebook, it’s hard to tel the players without a scorecard.
TotD presents the Most Credible Rumors about the 50th Anniversary Tour:
- Phil’s had enough of Bobby’s bullshit.
- Billy’s had enough of Jill’s bullshit.
- Mickey knows he got promoted into the “core four” through sheer not-dying, but he’s happy to be there all the same.
- Everyone hates everyone else’s guitarist.
- It might end up being Warren Hayes because–and this is a quote from a high-placed anonymous source–“he’s gonna be at all the damn festivals, anyway.”
- There is still a small, but vocal, minority pushing for Hologram Garcia. (I am warning all involved: do not make Hologram Garcia.)
- Contrary to some of the more misogynist blathering that goes on, Jill Lesh is neither a shrew nor a chiseller: she is an intelligent and savvy woman getting Phil what he is worth on the open market.
- That said, she did float an idea about offering a “Super-Platinum Super-Fan Super-Package” that allowed a fan to jam with the band on a song of his (it would assuredly be a guy) choosing.
- This is awkward to bring up, but: remember that nice thing that Bobby used to do for Garcia, vis-a-vis holding certain things? Yeah, well: Bobby needs a Bobby now.
- There does remain the slightest possibility that none of them are remotely insurable.
- Mickey really wants Night Ranger to open, and he’s being stubborn about it.
- Regarding Mrs. Donna Jean’s participation, the “core four” are of one mind: they would like her to be there. They are also of one mind about preferring not to pay her a full member’s share of the money.
- A good third of the arguing and misunderstandings can be attributed to the fact they they’re all stone-deaf at this point.