Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Because You're Worth It

Since the announcement of the Farewell Shows at Soldier Field this July, TotD has been the first to bring you all the news that Big Dead doesn’t want you to hear, such as Phil’s assorted letters to his new bandmates, the seating arrangements, and the band’s rider for the shows. (Billy wants a case of Michelob; Phil wants a freshly harvested liver with no strings attached.)

The public list of VIP packages has been released, but as we all know that flashing your stash can get you pretty far into the Dead’s backstage, and there will be number of high-class, super-quality, ultra-exclusive packages available to only the most discerning Enthusiast.

The Deal Experience In addition to the standard backstage passes, great seats, and meet-and-greet, our VIPs will get to play a game of strip poker with the Core Four, and Mickey will show dong. (Mickey is contractually required to show dong. You might see Billy’s regardless, but you can only bank on Mickey’s.)

The St. Stephen Experience No one knows how she did it, but Jill pulled some strings and you can get canonized. Straight-up made into a Catholic Saint. Also, autographed posters.

The Comment Board Experience Our Comment Boarders will get a lunch with Jeff Chimenti, then get a three-minute Skype session with Bobby and Phil to tell them how they’re doing everything wrong. (Lunch with Jeff Chimenti is mandatory if you want the Skype call.)

The Ride Bruce Hornsby Like A Horse Experience You get to ride Bruce Hornsby like a horse.

The Lenny Hart Experience Our VIP Lenny Harts will have the chance to use familial trust and financial naiveté to their advantage and steal up to all of the revenues from the night’s concert, then flee to Mexico (first-class.)

The Antelope Greg Experience Any VIP participating in the Antelope Greg Experience will be kicked in the neck by otherwise placid Enthusiasts if he pulls any of his usual shenanigans.


  1. I presume with the Lenny Experience you have to buy the Platinum Package in order to receive the autographed Knife in the Back and More of the Same?

  2. those sound better than the real ones, especially the “ride Bruce Hornsby like a horse”…that’s a bucket list deal right there

    the fuck is an antelope greg though?

Leave a Reply to thoughtsonthedead Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.