Oh, come on.

“Ass! Look what I did!”

That fucking John Mayer. That FUCKING John Mayer and his pernicious ideas.

“His bullshit is frou-frou, man. This is laundry for the people.”

It’s a laundromat, Billy.

“It’s skank central is what it is. Target-rich environment. Plus: you ever banged a chick on a washing machine?”


“You don’t know who’s banging who!”


“Fuck off, college fuck. Know what else laundromats bring in?”


“Tons of ’em, man. And you can do so much with ’em: put ’em in a sock and hit people, heat ’em up and wing ’em at strangers, pull ’em out of kids’ ears to impress the little bastards. Versatile coin.”

You could exchange them for real money.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Ah, I’m just kidding.”

Yeah, wow.

“I’m Billy: I love money.”

You do.

“I still hit people with socks full of quarters, though.”

Sure, obviously.

“But then: yeah, the thing you said. Turn it into real money. There’s a lot of it, too. I think it’s the slogan.”

Which is?

“‘Punch dirt in the dick.'”

Not bad.

“I know, right? Tell Josh to suck my saggy balls.”

I will.