Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

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I’m suing.

What is it now?

I was given no input.

Into the blurb on the back of David Browne’s So Many Roads, available for pre-order in softcover right over there on the sidebar?

Yes.

Just wanted to know what we were going to be getting wrong.

That was some good book-pluggin’.

I do what I can. Anyway: what’s the problem? Do you feel the blurb was taken out of context and misrepresents your feelings about the book?

Not at all. Loved the sucker. Gonna do a whole day on it when I get my softcover copy.

Why are you such a whore for free books?

I like it when the UPS guy comes. It makes me feel important.

Sure.

Here’s the thing: I can beat that. I can do better. David Browne should have given me another crack at it. I’m not going to ask him to have the whole run of the softcover pulped.

That’s good.

I shouldn’t have to ask: he should do it because it’s the right thing.

It’s weird how you think networking works.

Hey, Norman Mailer used to headbutt people at parties.

Are you comparing yourself to Norman Mailer?

Norman Mailer was a fraud and boor and plus he had curly hair. Never been a good writer with curly hair.

I actually can’t think of one.

Comment Section will come up with it.

Sure.

I just wish he had asked. I have a whole bunch that are much more complimentary than the one he used.

Such as?

“David Browne’s So Many Roads cured me of cancer. I had face cancer and then I made out with So Many Roads for fifteen or twenty minutes, and then I didn’t have it anymore. The cancer.”

Holy shit.

No?

Wow.

That was a warm up.

Take your time, but let me interrupt to mention that David’s book is immediately to the right.

Where?

—————->

Oh, there.

If you’re gonna screw around, then I’m not playing. If you have a good blurb, then let’s hear it.

Fine. “If Garcia were alive, he would love So Many Roads, but it would have a different last chapter.”

That’s a bit dryer than called for by the blurb form, don’t you think?

Yeah, maybe. Okay: “So Many Roads has all the stories a Dead Book is legally required to have, but also a lot of new stories, and they are written well; there are pictures, too.”

That’s not a blurb, that’s a statement of fact. Blurbs are effusive.

You’re right: “YAAAAAAAAY”

Too effusive.

I’m trying to calibrate my effusion here, man.

Neither of those.

Try this: “Within the pages of David Browne’s So Many Roads is a series of clues that when deciphered lead to treasure.”

Is that true?

Well, I didn’t ask David, but I would assume it wasn’t.

Then you can’t write that.

Why not? It would sell a ton of books!

It’s a felony. I’m not sure which, but one of them. Maybe several.

Fine. Better idea: “So Many Roads is only a book about a semi-defunct choogly-type band on the outside. This book is actually the LOST TWILIGHT NOVEL!”

Same felony, chief. Can’t do that. Exact same concept.

I like it when you call me chief.

Are we almost done?

One more: “Buy this book or I’ll hunt you down and stab you in the asshole with a pen.”

Yeah, we’re done.

WAIT WAIT WAIT.

Yes?

“The superfluous “e” in David Browne’s name stands for ‘Excellent book about the Grateful Dead.'”

We’re done.

3 Comments

  1. Guess I’ll have to start reading this on a desktop PC. The pictures on an iPad are so small any print is unreadable

    • I’m having this problem as well this page is locked so you can’t zoom in the picture to make it bigger… Hope you can fix that.

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