Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Bobby, Upright

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“Oh, you startled me. Hi, there. I’m Bob Weir of America’s Grateful Dead.”

“I’m Franklin, Mr. Weir.”

‘You’re gonna need to call me Bobby. Franklin, huh? We got a song about a guy named Franklin.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure, Casey Jones. Anyway: you gonna be my benjy for now?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Okay, Benjy Franklin. Hey!”

“Wow.”

“Okay, buddy: let’s get to business. I’m gonna pass on this guitar because it has been built very poorly.”

“Bob.”

“Doesn’t even have the right number of strings.”

“It is a bass.”

“A bass, you say? Huh. It is as big as Phil’s basses.”

“No, Bobby. Not a bass guitar. It’s for classical musicians.”

“Phil’s a very classy musician: one time, I saw him get out of the shower to take a piss.”

“Classical.”

“Ah.”

“This bass is meant to be played with a bow.”

“Phil always took a bow after playing his bass.”

“Okay, that joke can’t make any sense if we’re speaking.”

“Could you play rockabilly on this bass?”

“Yes.”

“Should you?”

“No.”

“What are the chances it becomes sentient?”

“None whatsoever.”

“I’ve heard that before; next thing you know, your PA is running for President.”

“Y’know, it occurs to me that Phil did try one of these suckers out. In, um, ’80. When we did all those acoustic sets. Phil picked up a used upright and we were gonna do it, you know: acoustic as hell.”

“What happened?”

“Turns out these things are tough to play and Phil is lazy. So, you know: he just hid in the back and played root notes on his electric bass. Anyway, Benjy: how sturdy is one of these upright bass violins?”

“Not sturdy in the slightest. Breakable as shit, as a matter of fact.”

“Affordable?”

“Stupidly expensive.”

“I’ll take a dozen. You know where TRI Studios is?”

“Yes. Do you want them delivered?”

“No, I lost my car and need a ride back. Let’s go; I’m driving.”

9 Comments

  1. WE WANT THE FUNK! GOTTA HAVE THAT FUNK!

  2. He is wearing a sports jacket over a zippered sweatshirt !!!

    I think the pants are jeans, and he has wool socks and birkenstocks..

    No wonder Mayer wants to be a dead, this Bobby has fashion moves that put Mayer to shame.

  3. Indeed it is the man inside the goofy clothes, that make the outfit. The goofy clothes alone just do not cut it.

  4. I almost wore socks and Birkenstocks today

  5. Socks and Birks are comfy, it gets chilly north of the border

  6. Sir Luther Von Baconson

    August 10, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    oh this is the meet and greet for the new kids movie Bobby’s been working on “A Bass Named Christopher”. Lance Kerwin does the Voice of the Bass.

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