Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Boys On The Radio

“Oteil Brubridge, welcome back to the Radio Randy Show on SiriusXM’s JamOn channel.”

“Hey, Radio Randy. You look different from last time we talked.”

“I’m an entirely different human being.”

“Huh.”

“‘Radio Randy’ isn’t a name so much as it is a title. Or a curse.”

“Like the Ghost Rider?”

“Oh, my God, yes. Exactly. You’re my first guest to understand that.”

“How many guests have you had so far?”

“You’re the first.”

“Randy, is that going to be the level of the jokes for the whole interview?”

“It is.”

“Awesome.”

“Oteil, you’ve got your own band now. How is it different from playing with Dead & Company?”

“I get a much bigger chunk of a much smaller check.”

“Concisely stated.”

“I’m not a chatterbox, Randy.”

“Why is there a massive picture of you behind yourself?”

“So that bitches can recognize.”

“Great, great. If you had to eat a member of Dead & Company, who would it be?”

“Chimenti.”

“You didn’t even have to think about that.”

“Didn’t have to. Already done all my thinking on that subject. See, John is the youngest, so you’d think he’d be tenderest, but he works out too much. Chimenti’s got a couple years on him, but he never gets off that piano bench. He’s like a veal with good hair. I don’t even think you’d need a knife.”

“Definitely not an original Dead, huh?”

“Oh, no. That meat’s bad. I mean, I would taste some of Bobby just out of respect. Otherwise, no.”

“Oteil, let’s take a call.”

“We can do that?”

“Sure, why not? Caller, you’re on.”

“Uh, hi? Is my dad there?”

“I thought you said we were going camping this weekend, Pop.”

“This isn’t your father, John Mayer.”

“Who is it?”

“Radio Randy.”

“Oh. Is my father there?”

JOHN MAYER’S FATHER AT THE BAR DOING SHOTS AND GRABBING PUSSY NOISE

“No. He’s not.”

“Ah. Do you wanna take me camping?”

“I don’t really have time, buddy. Gotta go.”

“Why won’t my money buy me happi–”

DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES DO NOT DO THAT ANY LONGER

“That was weird, Oteil.”

“He’s so much needier than you’d assume.”

“I see that now.”

“You ever read The Great Gatsby?”

“Sure.”

“The scene where Gatsby’s showing Daisy all his shirts? That’s the vibe from Mayer every minute you’re with him. It’s exhausting.”

“Well, he’s gone now.”

“Okay. Randy?”

“Yes?”

“Are those the lights, or did you vomit bile onto the front of your shirt?”

“The second thing.”

“Okay.”

“My insides are dying.”

“And yet this is still the best interview I’ve ever done with JamOn.”

2 Comments

  1. I have not read more than the first sentence and already uncontrollable laughter.

  2. Like veal with good hair.

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