Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Bret Stephens’ Last Op-Ed: The First Draft

Perhaps you know the story of Peter and the Wolf. Peter was a shepherd, and watching sheep gets boring. One day, he decided to play a joke on the local villagers. Peter cried out, Wolf! Wolf! Everyone came running, armed with pitchforks and torches.

“Why do you have a torch, Stan? It’s the middle of the day.”

“What if we chase the wolf into a cave system?”

“Put the torch away, numbnuts.”

After the villagers stopped squabbling with one another, they learned that Peter had tricked them. There was no wolf, and there was no danger at all. What was certainly a noble cause–chasing off a wolf–had been tarnished and made perilous. The villagers did not know who to believe, and the next time that there truly was a wolf, they did not come running and all the sheep were eaten, and Peter, too.

Now imagine the wolf is rape, and Peter is all women. This is the attitude we should adopt when looking at the facts of the Woody Allen case.

The case is news again because the alleged victim, Dylan Farrow, wrote yet another tedious op-ed about the supposed molestation; I read half of it before becoming disgusted with the lack of facts. The entire mewling screed was nothing but “Oh, you made me feel bad.” I am as sympathetic as any other man, but I must ask: where is the evidence? Why did a police department fail to charge Mr. Allen? Why was Miss Farrow’s vagina not dusted for fingerprints? How is there not HD footage from several angles of the “abuse?” It is precisely because Miss Farrow sounds so believable that we should be wary of her. She may be a temptress, or soul-sucker of some sort. We must, too, remember that Miss Farrow continued living with her so-called molestor for more than ten years after the incident.

Furthermore, let us assume for the sake of argument that Mr. Allen is guilty of what Miss Farrow claims. Recently, a disgraced doctor named Larry Nasser was found guilty of 256 counts of sexual assault on minors. In that light, one rape isn’t all that bad, is it? One rape is very nearly no rapes at all, whereas 256 rapes is many. Is there no gray area? Where is the wiggle room? Have we, as a society, abandoned the rape mulligan?

We live in a country with due process, which is why Miss Farrow should be thrown in jail.


After this asshole.


  1. Woody Allen married his adopted daughter. Case closed.

    Drops mic, walks away.

  2. Did you change the font because the last font was Times, and you hate them?

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