Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Brexit, Stage Left

CELL PHONE NOISE

CELL PHONE NOISE

“What’s up, player? It’s John Mayer.”

“is that really how you’re answering the phone now?”

“Oh, hey, Katy. I’m trying out new greetings. Last week, it was ‘You’re on with John.’ What do you think?”

“Honestly? I think you should put less thought into it.”

“Just improvise?”

“John, listen to me: I’m in trouble again.”

“Oh, no. What happened?”

0614-katy-perry-union-jack-03

“I think I caused the Brexit.”

“You didn’t cause the Brexit, Katy.”

“I did. It happened when I was at my Moatbnb.”

“Moatbnb?”

“Like Airbnb, but for castles.”

“Right.”

“And we had undertaken a dangerous shamanic journey through both our subconsciousnesses and the wine cellar. Dr. Gary–”

“The outlaw chemist, renegade psychedelicist, and disgraced Nobel Laureate.”

“–had whipped up some–good exposition, John–Brown Fairies.”

“What are those?”

“Mushrooms soaked in absinthe. And not the stuff they sell today. The real absinthe. Plus I think he tossed a handful of crystal meth when no one was looking.”

“Wow. Wait: is that Dr. Gary?”

“Who?”

“The shady looking fucker behind you.”

“How can you see him? We’re on the phone.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“That’s him.”

“Katy, that guy has more red flags than Chinese Fourth of July.”

“Noooo. Dr. Gary’s my friend.”

“Dr. Gary is your pet mad scientist that you buried alive one time.”

“It my defense, I thought that he was dead.”

“Jesus, Katy.”

“He is a magical man! We talked to the Ghosts of Empire!”

“That’s capitalized?”

“The Ghosts insisted upon it. They’re very formal over here.”

“Okay. You got too high and talked to British spirits. What does that have to do with anything?”

“I had been making out with Ethelred the Unready for an hour, nothing below the waist, and I suddenly needed a Fanta.”

“Like you do.”

“And in the kitchen, I found a button marked “Brexit” and I pushed it.”

“This didn’t happen, Katy.”

“You say that, but now Lindsay Lohan is sending Scottish ninjas after me.”

“There’s no such thing as Scottish ninjas.”

“There is! They’re real! They’re just like regular ninjas, except immeasurably more violent. Please come get me! I’m in trouble!”

“We did this already.”

“It’s either this or the Rando War.”

“I’m getting in the Earthroamer.”

CRASHSMASHSPLASH!

“John! They’re here! The Scottish ninjas!”

“Hi-yaa!”

“Ach!”

DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES DO NOT DO THAT ANYMORE

“Katy? Katy!”

CELL PHONE NOISE

CELL PHONE NOISE

“Weir here.”

“What’s up, player? It’s John Mayer.”

“Who?”

“It’s Josh.”

“Hey, buddy.”

“Bobby, listen: Katy’s in trouble and we gotta go get her.”

“You know we’re on tour, right?”

“You know we have a Time Sheath, right?”

“Ah. Yup, yup. Where we going?”

“England.”

“Well, now’s the time to go. They’re gonna be desperate for hard currency in a few hours.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up.”

“No, no, no. I’m driving.”

“In what?”

“I got wheels.”

3 Comments

  1. Brexit victory ends rando wars !!!!

  2. WAR IS OVER

    if you want it

  3. Maybe take a breather and make a Dr. Gary shirt! “The only way out is through the Brexit!” Wait, that sounded…

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