Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To


“Look! It’s Nick Offerman!”


“Ernest Hemingway?”


“Mariel Hemingway?

That’s Teddy Roosevelt, Mickey.

“Where’s his top hat and wheelchair?”

Did you even go to school?

“I mostly just drummed on my desk.”


“History is not my strong suit. Wasn’t that hot at math, either. Or science. Used to skip gym class. Honestly, I just drummed on my desk until they gave me a diploma.”

No doubt. You’re at the Planetarium?

“The Hayden Planetarium in New York City! Never played here before. Very exciting. We’ve already been banned from ever coming back.”

Who is “we?”

“The Dead. I brought everybody. Bobby’s at the bar. Billy’s at the bar. Brent is, well, he’s at the bar, too. Everybody’s at the bar.”

Could you stop using the Time Sheath to bring dead keyboardists to your gigs, please?


Okay. What did you guys get banned for?

“Bunch of stuff. You know that Neil DeGrasse Tyson guy?”


“We have been calling him Branford all day.”

Not cool.

“He has virtually no sense of humor. Plus, Pigpen stole one of his fancy little vests with all the stars and comets and shit on it.”

You brought Pigpen?

“Big fan of astronomy.”

What else did you guys do?

“There’s been a lot of ‘Uranus’ jokes.”

Can’t be blamed for that.

“Road Crew had a cookout in the main theater. You know that big doohickey that the lasers come out of? Looks like a double-sided dildo?”

I do.

“Turns out if you up the amperage, you can flash-fry a lobster in ten seconds. And, obviously, you set some seats on fire.”

Why can’t the Grateful Dead be taken anywhere nice?

“We’re hooligans.”

Yeah, okay.


  1. Honestly, it would not surprise me if NGT is actually Dead-positive.

  2. Though he probably has better things to do, Mickey Hart would be a way better President than David Dennison is. Hell I would I take Josh over President Dennison. Maybe we need a President Rando.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      April 13, 2018 at 1:17 am

      I have absolutely no doubt that a citizen picked at random would do a better job. I believe that with all my heart.

  3. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    April 13, 2018 at 9:56 am

    That’s Mickey doing his “Night at the Museum” thing

  4. Luther Von Baconson

    April 13, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    mickey in 2020. walk softly and carry a big beam.

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