Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To



At this show, this day, this fixed moment in time, women (some stone-cold, others not) would not only slobber this man’s johnson, but would slobber Parish’s johnson for the opportunity to get to Garcia’s johnson. Fame: ain’t it a bitch?


Big-Dicked Sheila was at this performance. After the show, she said to Garcia, “With my cock and your tits, we got the whole package, baby!” She was on the Dead’s shitlist for about a year after that remark, but Bobby still went to her in secret.


Bring Solo and the Wookiee to me.


For today’s show, the part of Garcia will be played by an obese Afghan Hound.



Halfway through Deal, Garcia’s moobs became sentient, declared jihad on one another, and started fighting. It looked like angry Tribbles under a tablecloth and the microphones picked up the meaty SHWAPTHHHHHWUCK sound as the mountainous mammaries struck and them sweatily withdrew from one another. Intermission was longer than normal as interns had to be sent out for Ace bandages.


Ten minutes after this photo was taken, Garcia ate the American flag behind him.


  1. My sources in the Ohio newspaper world tell me that room service delivered steak & eggs and strawberries and cream for Mr. Garcia’s breakfast on 6/24/85.

  2. You would motorboat that in a lickity spliit second….

  3. That has to be the worst picture ever of Garcia. Terrible! Depressing, too.

  4. My first show was 7/3/84. I was pretty far back from the stage (plus had accepted a Chiclet earlier) so I wasn’t seeing real well, but I still remember being struck by Garcia’s appearance. I thought at the time he was kind of worrisome. Still, I was hooked. Probably because of Bob’s cut-offs.

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