Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Call Me Alice…

…because there is some housekeeping to do.

  1. I believe that you can now view images in the Comment Section. I did a thing, and now: good. Maybe. Dunno. Someone post something. (My view of the Section is the weird HTML view and I’m completely oblivious to any other point of view.)
  2. With that in mind, please use this post to tell me what sucks and I will fix it, if I can.
  3. Keep the requests reasonable, though: this whole year is going to suck, and I cannot fix that at all.
  4. There was a call for the “Like” button to be reinstated, and I believe it has: It comes up on my screen, at least. (Laptop, not mobile.)
  5. There was also a call for me to disengage the plug-in that allowed me to hack into your webcams and watch you while read the site.
  6. I considered it, but I’m going to keep that feature running: one of you might be a terrorist.
  7. Finally, the Donate button is now the Gift Certificate button.
  8. Maybe you should leave the humorous list format to explain this one.
  9. Yeah.

So: the old Donate button was linked to my personal Paypal account and if you were nice enough to send me a couple of bucks–and thank you–then you got a receipt with my name, and e-mail, and Social Security number, and address, and a video explaining the best way to pick the specific lock on my front door.

This wouldn’t do. Please take this the right way, and with the love that I intend it, but I don’t want you fuckin’ people knowing who I am. You’re the nicest bunch of fuckin’ people in the world, but at your cores, you’re fuckin’ people and I have made my position on fuckin’ people quite clear.

(I didn’t mean you. I meant everybody else. You’re my favorite.)

And the only way to get the account to just say “Thoughts on the Dead” instead of my real name (Eugene Huffnagle) was to upgrade it to a Business account.

I do this.

The PayPal site is helpful and intuitive and creates the buttons specially for you, so when people click on it, the money doesn’t go to the wrong place: it’s all automated and behind the scenes and takes two minutes.


When–as a Business account–you attempt to create a Donate button, PayPal starts laying all kinds of heavy shit about “non-profits” and “401c’s” and “tax number” on you, so I became frightened and clicked off the site to soothe my mind with various pornographies.

The Gift Certificate button, on the other hand, had neither frightening mumbo nor horrifying jumbo attached to it, so here’s how we shall choose our own adventure:

The Gift Certificate button is the Donate button.

If you choose to put some money in the swear jar, then I assume you will receive an electronic gift card. I also assume it will be blue, because that is the color I clicked on when the site asked me what color the electronic gift cards should be. Maybe you can frame them? Blue is a pretty color for art, and you should enjoy your home.

The gift certificate is only valid at this site, and I sell nothing. Perhaps I will shortly, but you will not be able to use the gift certificates to buy my wares. Because I want no one to enter into any financial transaction without all the facts, I repeat:

The Gift Certificate button is the Donate button.

The truth is this: I began by giving this away for free and will continue to do so. It’s mostly for me, anyway. You know I love you, but it’s mostly for me.

I’m not a busker: I just think the street needs music.

(And, again: not actual gift certificates, and please don’t sue me, because I’m quite sure this is a tort.)



  1. Luther Von Baconson

    February 22, 2016 at 6:55 pm

    does this mean you want Shamrock Shake gift certificates instead of the dough?

    • it doesn’t seem to be working, the display images thing, but sometimes these kinds of settings take awhile to work

  2. –“With that in mind, please use this post to tell me what sucks and I will fix it, if I can.”–

    Distribution of disproportionate amount of wealth to the upper 1% sucks. Please fix it, if you can. Take all year if you have to, no problem

  3. wait, so since i am the one you don’t hate, should i or should i not call the new yorker and identify you? and what if other people get confused and think that you don’t hate them? and when will i receive my gift certificates? will they be delivered electronically or by mail? how did you get my address? this is terrifying!

  4. Speaking of housecleaning, I have the flu and made a mess in the comment section….The flu sucks

  5. Thoughts On The Dead

    February 22, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    Someone try now. I flipped a switch.

  6. Luther Von Baconson

    February 22, 2016 at 7:56 pm

    i know. turn this site into a Shed. the Gift Certificate Shed. move back in the old site.

  7. What about with HTMLs?

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      February 22, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      Try it, please. I’m trying a bunch of plug-ins.

      • I actually did on that one, and I guess it was recognized because it disappeared, but there must be a setting or something preventing the output of code from being shown.

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