Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Cancel The Wedding

trixie schmuck

An Open Letter to Trixie Garcia,

Upon further (any) reflection, TotD has decided to withdraw any and all woo pitched.

This has no bearing on your charms (plentiful,) your beauty (enchanting,) and your inheritance (oofah.) You maintain these qualities and most likely possess many more I am not aware of: a good sense of direction, an ability to do bird calls, really good balance.

So, why the romantic retreat, you ask?

Because every filthy hippie in a terrible shirt (possibly bearing your deceased father’s face) has made a run at you, haven’t they? They see what you are, not who you are. It’s as if the Garcia name were a milkshake, and you were the yard.

So I do the only gentlemanly thing: I resign from this competition for your love, this road race for your affection, this marathon for your tushee and stuff.

That said, if you would like to pursue me, you may: it’s a free country. Also, you should be aware that “not taking out a restraining order on me” counts as pursuit in my book, so in all likelihood, I’m gonna come back at you with my sexy fairly soon.

Love and Other Indoor Sports,


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