Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Can’t Keep A Good Man, Or Me, Down

As they say, Enthusiasts: fifth time’s the charm. Fillmore South is finally rocking to the sound of brandy-new headphones, big ploofy ones with swooping wires and gold accents, and they say “Studio” right on them; headphones that have “Studio” written on them are like cars with racing stripes: better. Maybe I could record a masterpiece with these ‘phones; by buying them, I am 1/30,000th of the way to being Sam Phillips.

It has not been an easy road: I have been let down by the entire world, including Canada. Lied to, and tripped up by bureaucracy and my inability to remember passwords. This has, in a sense, been my Aleppo.

Half-a-million people are dead, man.

Right. We’re both suffering. Refugees had their homes destroyed and families killed; I was inconvenienced in the purchase of a consumer product.

So, have you not had headphones this whole time?

No, of course not. I have a perfectly good set, but I wanted a new one. Tell me how that doesn’t make me a survivor.

When Allfather Trump tanks the dollar in March and the supermarkets run out of food, you’re going to die first.

You think it’ll take until March? I put ten bucks on Valentine’s Day.

Yeah, but if you win…

…can’t collect.

We’re all gonna fucking die.

Yeah.

So: new headphones, and it’s been three days and my ears don’t hurt so apparently I bought the right ones.

A note for new readers: I have improperly-placed ears. I did not know this until recently; no one had ever brought it up, and between the ages of 13 and 19, I was a teenaged boy with other teenaged boy friends; none of them mentioned it, and teenaged boys enjoy pointing out each others’ flaws. They’re not big ears, nor do they stick out, but they must be in the wrong place or affixed at an incorrect angle, because three pairs of decent and well-reviewed headphones caused me agony within an hour.

I checked the reviews, both before and after buying all of these products; I did not see the phrase “my earlobes are on fire” anywhere, so I must assume that’s this is a personal problem.

The Sonys were first. This is where Canada let me down: I bought the suckers after seeing Dead Archivist David Lemieuxstafar wearing them in the commercial for the July ’78 box set. The man literally gets paid to listen to the Dead, I thought. How can he steer me wrong?

Into a moose. That is where David steered me, and I must assume he did it on purpose. Why else would you wear headphones in a video unless you wanted some lonely weirdo to buy them? I am owed an apology.

And then Sennheisers, and also a pair of Monoprice cheapies–you get what you pay for–and still my ears burned and would tolerate nothing but my shitty old Panasonics.

It must be a Christmas miracle, Enthusiasts.

Look at those shiny fuckers. That’s real gold-colored metal, and leather extracted from the cattle mines of Catalina. (That’s what they do on that island. You thought it was just a place where Angelenos went on day trips? Very naive.) “K240” is a very technical-sounding collection of letters and numbers, and–as I have mentioned–it says “Studio,” and not just on one side. Both cups, baby.

“Studio.”

But, you ask, how does the Dead sound through them? (This is a blog about the Grateful Dead, if you’ll recall.) Excellent. Feel free to use whichever headphone-review-word you find most appetizing: ohms, balanced, soundscape, airy, impedance, range, whatever. You have to notch your EQ at 128K to get Phil to pop out, and then they sound wonderful, especially when you play this Charlie Miller transfer of 7/22/72 from the Paramount Theater in Seattle through ’em.

I got mine on sale, but they’re back up to $65 at Amazon. If that’s what you want to spend, then TotD heartily recommends the AKG K240’s.

BUT, the real endorsement must go to the pair that I’ve been wearing for almost a decade, on and off.

These are the Panasonic Bunch of Numbers and Letters, and I have been so far unable to kill them; I have had a pair for the better part of a decade, and every so often I upgrade to a “better” set, which breaks after a year, and then I go back to the Panasonics; they’re all dinged up and scratched, but the sound is exactly the same as ever, and the cord doesn’t crackle.

The AKGs are semi-closed, but as you can see the Panasonics have hard plastic cups that go around your ears, so even though they’re not noise-canceling, you can’t hear shit when you’re wearing them. If someone approaches you from behind, it will startle you into violence. What they are, though, is comfortable: you can wear ’em for six or seven hours at a time and not feel any pressure on your ears. (You will, however, be deaf. These ‘phones are deceptively loud.)

And they’re half the price of the AKG’s.

People waited all this time for that?

I never understood why anyone was interested, to be honest. But now I need a pair of earbuds.

ch-CHIK

SZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZSZS

KABOOMALANG!

Did you just light the fuse of an old-timey sperical bomb, which then blew up and killed you?

Yes, I did.

Okay.

13 Comments

  1. well! this IS a relief.

    now, the microphone? i am very much looking forward to the podcast, and i do NOT say that lightly.

  2. In olden days, headphone makers recognized that ears are oval shaped (in macro), and not circular. Unless you make the circle really, really big, your lobes are likely to protrude, get pinched, and burn like feet covered with fire ants. So it may not be your abnormal ear placement, it may be modern manufacturers deciding to standardize around patently absurd designs. See also USB jack and CD clamshell case. Of course, we could also just go with zeitgeist and curse our Obamaphones without having any idea what the replacement might be . . .

  3. Regional humour……Lemieux (and Luther) will understand.

  4. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    December 21, 2016 at 10:25 am

    Now I can type as loud as I want without bothering you.

  5. Luther Von Baconson

    December 21, 2016 at 11:03 am

    a great recording Live at the Paramount. likely some snowbirds have left a copy in some South Fillmore used record store.

  6. Just for the sake of getting my prediction in writing – My money’s on Trump tanking the economy sometime in late 2018. He gets impeached for selling access sometime in mid-2019, and the uncertainty surrounding that will worsen the economic situation. The economy will expand until late 2018 as he loosens regulations. Even the worst thought out policies will have to have short term appeal to get others (agency heads or congress) on board.
    We should start a pool.

    • Impeachment proceedings inside 6 months and then he crashes the economy as revenge. Around the point where Nixon resigned Trump nukes every country that has ever failed to allow him to do whatever he wants. Including China and Mexico.

      • I made my bracket for the IMPEACHEMENT Bowl here, let the betting begin.

        http://challonge.com/tournaments/bracket_generator?ref=xcmV7QJopt

        You can edit it !!

        I think Team
        “Bunga Bunga Party” vs “Impeachment 2019”
        will go to “Impeachment 2019”.

        This will lead to
        “Impeachment 2019” facing “War with ChyNuh”
        in game 2.

        “War with Someone Else” VS “Impeachment 2020”
        will go to “War with someone else” . I just think “War with someone else” is strong this year, a few years to rebuild, ready to put the drones away and send in the troops.

        This will lead to Game 2,
        “War with Someone else” VS “War with Everyone Else”
        Well “War with someone else” is strong and can beat a lot of teams, “War With Everyone else” will crush them, domino effect.

        Incest with Ivanka vs Nuke war in Korea.
        I predict Incest with Ivanka will win there, she is a nice piece of Ass.

        “Dow at 25,000” vs “DOW at 5,000”
        Hard to pick a winner hear, I mean like that matters to most of us anyhow.
        I will go with DOW at 5,000

        Assuming “War with Chynuh” loses to “Impeachment 2019”

        This sets up a FINAL FOUR of

        Impeachment 2019 VS DOW at 5,000
        and
        War with EVERYONE else, VS Incest with Ivanka

        I think Incest and Impeachment 2019 will go to Superbowl, and Impeachment 2019 will win.

  7. The Central Shaft

    December 21, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    If you’re really serious about needing earbuds, I recommend pretty much anything by Etymotic Research. You can spend as much as you like, but these are excellent for ~$50. Drop ~$80 and you can get them with an iPhone mic/controller:

    http://a.co/5l4VN7W

  8. Luther Von Baconson

    December 21, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    little funkier venue. the Blue Moon. spoiler: Stealin’ & tom

    https://archive.org/details/acb2016-12-19.teamcoe

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